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Wat is God se hart rakende seksuele sondes?

seksuele

OWERSPEL | ONTROUHEID | VERKRAGTING | VOORHUWELIKSE SEKS | HOMOSEKSUALITEIT | MASTURBASIE | BLOEDSKANDE | ONTUG | LOSBANDIGHEID | WELLUS | PEDOFIEL | UITLOKKEND | PORNOGRAFIE | FLIRTASIE | PROSTITUSIE | VOYEURISME | NUDISME

Seksuele sondes is ’n donker ‘abyss’ van misbruik, geweld en verwoesting. God het ons seksuele drange gegee omdat dit goed is, sodat ons geestelik, emosioneel maar ook fisies EEN met ons huweliksmaat kan raak. Ons verwelkom Sy lig, want as kinders van die lig het ons nodig dat Sy lig ons genees en al hoe nader bring na die Son van geregtigheid met genesing in Sy strale. Die Bybel lys al die sondes, maar wat is God se hart, wat is Sy begeerte vir ons?

Die kern van al die bogenoemde sondes is die fokus op self. “Self idolatry” Ek word die God, en ek moet aanbid word, ek moet kry, my wil, my plesier.

God se verhouding met Sy bruid, ons voorbeeld. 

Die verhouding tussen God en Sy bruid is nie nuut nie, maar is vir ons ‘n voorbeeld oor God se verhouding met Sy kerk, maar ook ons verhouding met ons huweliksmaats.  (Ezekiel 16:4-10) En Ek het by jou verbygegaan en jou gesien, en kyk, jou tyd was die tyd van liefde. Toe het Ek my vleuel oor jou uitgesprei en jou naaktheid toegedek. Ja, Ek het vir jou gesweer en met jou ’n verbond aangegaan, spreek die Here Here, en jy het myne geword.[1] Is die liefdestaal nie mooi nie? God voel oor sy volk/kerk soos ‘n man oor Sy bruid. Ons sien weer hierdie taalgebruik in Efesiërs 5. Manne, julle moet jul eie vroue liefhê, soos Christus ook die gemeente liefgehad en Homself daarvoor oorgegee het 26 om dit te heilig, nadat Hy dit gereinig het met die waterbad deur die woord, 27sodat Hy die gemeente voor Hom kon stel, verheerlik, sonder vlek of rimpel of iets dergeliks; maar dat dit heilig en sonder gebrek sou wees.[2] Dit is duidelik dat God ons wil wys hoe die liefde werk in ‘n huwelik: Soek die beste vir jou maat. Jou maat se groei, ontwikkeling, heiligmaking, opheffing, opbouing en soos Jesus word is jou fokus en einddoel.  Hoe ons maat blink, skyn, en sprankel van vrede en geluk is jou beloning.

Hoerery en ontrouheid is die groot sonde van die volk Israel.  Telkemale verraai Israel God se liefde deur agter ander gode aan te hardloop, en op hulle te vertrou.  Die storie herhaal homself regdeur die ou Testament oor en oor.  Paulus deel juis, met seksuele onreinheid en immoraliteit. (Eph 5:1-7) Weet dus dat geen hoereerder geen erfdeel het aan die Koninkryk van God nie.

Ons almal soek na Sy liefde:

Die mens het ‘n diep behoefte om opreg liefgehê te word. Ons soek almal iemand wat vir ons goed sal wees, sag en teer met ons is, geduldig en lojaal is. Iemand wat ons kan vertrou, en wat ons onvoorwaardelik liefhet. God is liefde. God draai hierdie behoefte om en stort Sy Gees in ons uit sodat ons nou ander kan liefhê soos Hy. Die vrug van die Gees is alles maniere van hoe jy liefgehê wil word, maar nou werk God Sy liefdesvrug in jou om Sy liefde uit te gee eerder as om te ontvang. Dis die eerste manier van hoe God se liefde anders werk as die liefde van ‘n mens.  Liefde, vreugde, vrede, sagmoedig, geduldig, goed, nederig, geloof en selfbeheersing is God se manier hoe Hy liefhet.  (Love, peace, joy, patient, kind, good, faith, meekness and temperance) Ons raak maklik verlief op iemand wat ons liefhet, waar ons vrede en tuiste vind, waar ons gelukkig is.  Ons voel veilig by iemand wat nie op hulleself fokus nie, en wat in ons glo en wat hulle eie behoefte om te wil ontvang uitstel.  Onlangs vertel ‘n vrou met opregte seer in haar oë dat sy liefde gevind het in die arms van ‘n ander vrou, oor haar diep teleurstelling met mans se hulle liefde wat net nie bevredig nie.  Sy vind nou van hierdie Goddelike eienskappe in ‘n ander vrou.  Ek wonder watter persentasie van alle seksuele misdrywe se oorsaak dalk te wyte is aan gebroke verhoudings as gevolg van ‘n gebrek aan Goddelike liefde.

Die slagveld van seksuele misbruik lê diep en wyd vol gewondes wat nie weet hoe om lief te hê of liefde te ontvang nie.

Die konteks van seksualiteit is ‘n gesonde familie. 

Die eerste seksuele oortreding volgens die Bybel is wanneer ons ‘n familielid ‘n seksobjek maak, broers met susters, ouers met kinders, bloedskande. (Lev 18:17; 20:12) Die Bybelse familie het die meeste van die tyd dieselfde vertrek gedeel, wat die fokus op seks beperk het.  Die meeste seksuele misbruik is egter vandag ook binne die raamwerk van familie, maar in isolasie.  Die gesonde familie bied ‘n atmosfeer vir seksualiteit om normaal te bly. Familie is die wese van die Godheid. Vader, Seun en Heilige Gees.  Wanneer die kerk die hart van familie verloor, verloor ons die wese van God se hart.  Vaders en moeders wat mekaar en hulle kinders liefhet met ‘n goddelike vrug van die Gees liefde, maak gesonde en selfstandige kinders groot.  Kinders wat hulle ouers en broers en susters liefhet op ‘n goddelike vrug van die Gees liefde, versterk die band nog verder, en maak die familie ‘n ondeurdringbare krag.

Dis met hierdie gedagte en begrip dat Paulus die Korinte gemeente vermaan; “’N MENS hoor waarlik van hoerery onder julle, en hoerery van so ’n aard as wat selfs onder die heidene nie bekend is nie: dat iemand die vrou van sy vader het. 2        En tog is julle opgeblase in plaas dat julle liewer getreur het, sodat hy wat hierdie daad gedoen het, kan verwyder word onder julle uit.”[3] Die gemeente is ‘n geesvervulde kragtige gemeente, en tog sien hulle seksuele misdrywe maklik oor. Hulle ‘tolerate’ dit! Hulle mis God se hart oor familie.  Die bruid is bestem om die vrou van die Seun van God te word! Seksuele sonde is ‘n regstreekse verraaiing van God se hart, van eenheid, van Sy liefde, van Sy orde.  Daarom die drastiese optrede, weereens binne die raamwerk van familie. Paulus maak dit duidelik, dat hy verwys na mense binne die huisgesin van God. (1 Cor 5:12)

Dissipline en God se Gesin

Die kern van Bybelse straf en tug is gerig om te red, nie totaal weg te stoot en te verwerp nie.  Ons kyk met ‘n ewigheidsblik en motief. “Dat hy so iemand aan Satan oor lewer tot verderf van die vlees, sodat die gees gered kan word in die dag van die Here Jesus.”[4] Ons kan nog nie die wêreld oordeel nie, ons sal eendag. (2 Cor 6:2) Nou roep Paulus die kerk om die binne in die gesin van God streng te vermaan, soos ‘n Pa ‘n rebelse kind vermaan en straf. Die rebelsheid van een kind wat oorgesien word, maak die ander kinders ook rebels. Die kind moet voel hoe dit voel om uitgelewer te word, buite te wees. Sonder beskerming, sonder al die voordele.  Sodat die kind tot inkeer sal kom, sy liggaam die konsekwensies betaal van sy of haar dade maar gered vir die ewigheid.

As die kerk en geestelike ouers nie ferm op tree nie, word die hele familie en gesin besoedel. (1 Cor 5:6) Dis sekerlik die waarheid van al die sondes, seksuele sonde is die maklikste oordraagbaar.  Dit is ook duidelik uit hierdie skrifgedeelte dat nie alle sonde dieselfde is nie.  Iemand wat verkrag word, beleef nie dieselfde seer as om voor gelieg te word, of om van geskinder te word nie. Die verwoesting van egbreek en owerspel raak gesinne, die hele uitgebreide familie, en generasies om te kom. (Mal 2:10-16)  Seksuele sonde is ‘n sonde teen jou eie liggaam. (2 Cor 6:18) Dit verraai die verbondenheid en eenheid van God se liefde.

Verbond, eenwording, in verbondenheid tekens van ‘n dieper konneksie.

Die woord verbond kom telkens voor in hierdie 2 hoofstukke.  God het verbond daar gestel om ons te wys op die eenheid wat in die Godheid bestaan.  Jy kan nie God skei nie, hulle is een! Net so min kan ‘n man en vrou skei. Sien die blog oor hoe hierdie eenheid werk. Dit is hoekom die volgende sondes teen die karakter en hart van verbond is.  “Moenie dwaal nie! Geen hoereerders of afgodedienaars of egbrekers of wellustelinge of sodomiete of diewe of gierigaards of dronkaards of kwaadsprekers of rowers sal die koninkryk van God beërwe nie.”[5] Paulus praat eksplisiet oor die eenheid tussen man en vrou en die verkeerd van egbreek. Of weet julle nie dat julle liggaam ’n tempel is van die Heilige Gees wat in julle is, wat julle van God het, en dat julle nie aan julself behoort nie? 20 Want julle is duur gekoop. Verheerlik God dan in julle liggaam en in julle gees wat aan God behoort.[6]

“en net so het ook die manne die natuurlike verkeer met die vrou laat vaar en in hulle wellus teenoor mekaar ontbrand: manne het met manne skandelikheid bedrywe en in hulleself die noodwendige vergelding van hulle dwaling ontvang.”[7] Die dwaling van homoseksualiteit probeer hulle dade regverdig, maar ‘n mens sien ongelukkig nie sy dwaling reg in die begin nie, dis eers baie later wanneer jy ouer is wat sien hoe ver jy afgedwaal het van God se plan.  Hulle redeneer dat dit nie ‘n sonde is nie, hulle is dan so gemaak, so geskape deur die Here.  Maar om ‘n rowwe humeur te hê van jongs af, maak nie jou humeur toelaatbaar nie. Dieselfde geld vir al die sondes. Ons is almal in sonde gebore en het ‘n innerlike geneigdheid na die verkeerde, maar dit regverdig nie ons verkeerde gedrag nie, ek is nou maar so gemaak, dit is hoe dit is nie … (Rom 2:23) Jesus red sondaars! Hy alleen kan ons verander in ‘n oomblik en ons nuwe mense maak. (2 Cor 5:27). Die krag van Jesus Christus tot redding is groter as die misleiding van die vyand.

Die verskil tussen wellus en Goddelike liefde

Seksuele sondes is egter volop in die kerk: Egbreek, owerspel, pornografie, voorhuwelikse seks, pedofiele en ook verkragting.  Vir gelowiges is ons gesig gerig na Hom, en stap ons elke dag verder weg van hierdie praktyke na Sy heerlike lig.  (Kol 3:1-10) Iemand wat vasgevang is in seksuele sonde eien hulleself die reg toe om bevredig te word ten koste van iemand anders. Hulle bou hulle geluk/bevrediging/plesier/genot op iemand anders se seer.  God het bedoel dat seks ‘n wonderlike ‘celebration’ is van die eenheid tussen ‘n man en ‘n vrou! Dan is die huweliksdaad gemaklik, normaal en bied beide partye wederkerige plesier en genot. Dis vloei uit die vrug van die Heilige Gees.

John Piper skryf in sy boek “Sex and the supremacy of Christ” Sexuality is designed by God as a way to know God in Christ more fully. Knowing God in Christ more fully is designed as a way of guarding and guiding our sexuality” Soos my vriend Mike Wood my geleer het: “all addiction is a sign of malnutrition” Ons seksuele begeerte soek ‘n dieper konneksie as bloot net kontak met ‘n liggaam. Ons is soekend na ‘n eenheid en ‘n volheid, ‘n vervulling wat net in ons verbondenheid met Christus vervul kan word. Jesus oorwin alle seksuele temptasies omdat Hy liefhet soos God liefhet.  Hy betaal vir ons sonde met Sy lewe, sodat ons vry kan wees.  HY genees elke keer op ‘n ander manier, want hy wil nie net die liggaam genees nie, Hy wil ons genees op elke vlak. Die vrou wat lei aan verwerping oor haar siekte met bloedvloeiing word openlik herstel, die owerspelige vrou wat op heterdaad betrap is kry Sy genade, die moeder se seun lewe, die blinde sien.

Seksuele sonde is selfsugtig, selfbehep, self-indulgent.  God se liefde gee, en gee, en gee vanuit ‘n onuitputbare fontein van wie Hy is! Soos ons groei om elke dag meer soos Hy lief te hê, herstel hy die soeke in ons eie hart, en maak ons vol, vergenoegd, en tevrede!

Die wonderlike goddelike geskenk van selibaat wees.

Selibaat wees is ‘n geskenk. Dis die eerste prys volgens Paulus. (1 Cor 7:7) Om selibaat te wees is nie ‘n vloek of straf nie, inteendeel Jesus was selibaat, Paulus verkies sy alleenwees bo ‘n huweliksmaat. Weereens vanuit die perspektief van die die vrug van die Heilige Gees, leer God ons om seks nie eerste prioriteit te maak nie. Ons kan wag. Dit is die vrug van selfbeheersing, temperance (abstaining from excess). Die jongmens wag en hou sy pad rein tot op die huweliksnag. Die man en vrou kan wag vir tye van gebed en toewyding aan God. (1 Kor 7:1-5) Daar is swangerskap, terminale siekte, maandstonde… alles tye van wag en seksuele stilte. Seksualiteit is siklies, soos die getye in die see. Ons is nie gemaak om altyd op stormsterkte te funksioneer nie. Dit is abnormaal.  Paulus bring sy liggaam en vlees onder beheer, deur dit te ‘restrain’. (1 Cor 9:27) But [like a boxer] I buffet my body [handle it roughly, discipline it by hardships] and subdue it, for fear that after proclaiming to others the Gospel and things pertaining to it, I myself should become unfit [not stand the test, be unapproved and rejected as a counterfeit]. [8]

Die bruid verteenwoordig God se hart, waardes en leefstyl op aarde. Ons dade is belangriker as woorde, want ons dade preek. Wanneer kerkleiers nie daadwerklik optree en die gesin van God soos waardige geestelike ouers opvoed nie, dan verloor die kerk Sy mandaat en krag.  Daarom Paulus se sterk optrede! Dit gaan oor God se eer!

Heiligmaking is hoe God die kerk gebruik om mense tot ‘n sondebesef te bring.

Die kerk se een groot opdrag is gaan maak dissipels. Bekering en sondebesef kom deur die prediking en leefwyse van die gemeente en die werking van die Heilige Gees. Let wel, ‘HEILIGE’ Gees. Wanneer die kerk sonde oorsien, sonder om die sondaar te help om bevryding te verkry, wanneer die kerk dan gevolglik lou word, verloor ons ons krag. Die sout is laf, die water is lou! Die kerk versamel nie net mense om ‘n program, persoon of gebou nie. Die kerk lei mense om ‘n lewe van “repentance” te leef.  Ons laat toe dat die Heilige Gees ons elke dag, by elke geleentheid aanspreek en oortuig van sonde, sodat ons kan verander en meer en meer word soos Jesus.

Gaan lees gerus weer 1 Corintians 5, 6 en 7.  Sien God se hart vir familie! Sien Sy hart en soeke na volwassenheid, mense wat sake kan oordeel en uitsluitsel gee.  Sien God se hart oor die heiligheid van Sy kerk, jy die individu, die lokale gemeente en die kerk universeel.

[1] Die Bybel: Ou Vertaling. (1996). (Eze 16:8).

[2] Die Bybel: Ou Vertaling. (1996). (Eph 5:25–27).

[3] Die Bybel: Ou Vertaling. (1996). (1 Co 5:2).

[4] Die Bybel: Ou Vertaling. (1996). (1 Co 5:5).

[5] Die Bybel: Ou Vertaling. (1996). (1 Co 6:10).

[6] Die Bybel: Ou Vertaling. (1996). (1 Co 6:19–20).

[7] Die Bybel: Ou Vertaling. (1996). (Ro 1:27).

[8] The Amplified Bible. (1987). (1 Co 9:27).

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How deeply are we connected in Marriage

How deeply are we connected in Marriage

God instituted marriage since Adam and Eve, (Gen 2:24) for us to experience the union that exists in the Godhead. (Joh 17:21) The Trinity is a mysterious union of oneness. We do not worship 3 Gods, He is one. (Deut 6:4) Yet they are distinctively different. This unity of diversity is the end goal of the marriage relationship.
“ Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, “For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate” (Mat 19:4-5)
Mixure of sand2The marriage ceremony symbolizes covenant. The giving of rings, an unbroken circle, and symbol of eternity, the vows, pointing towards a lasting covenant made.
In the Old Testament covenant, the procedure required blood: An animal was slaughtered to testify to the fact that we, after our death cannot change our will and testament. The emphasis is on: CANNOT! It is impossible to separate!
We may not feel “one” most of the time, yet like two containers of different kinds of sand mixed together, it is impossible to completely separate the two substances again. This oneness occurs and develops like a new tree planted, it grows and matures over time, become stronger and more evident.
You and your partner are more “one” than you may think.
Let’s look at some research being done over the last two decades on synergy and harmony in a long-term relationship.

Oneness instituted with first intercourse.

In Jewish culture, the marriage was consummated not with the solemn words of the preacher, but with the act of intercourse. In Biblical times, a couple consummated their marriage in a room, called the chuppah. After their union they would come out and the bed linen presented for the evidence of blood. This was to proof the chastity of the bride. It is obvious that God intended the consummation of marriage to be a covenant making between two individuals. The circuitry of the brain gets wired through first experiences: Should two individuals not wire together at the same time, writing a code of unity from the start? When we had sex with a number of people, our brain circuits becomes set in a certain way, it can be quite a challenge to find and bond with a partner with weird adapted circuitry.
Women retain and carry living DNA from every man with whom they have sexual intercourse, according to a new study by the University of Seattle and the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center.  http://archive.is/phVpT#selection-805.0-805.190

The Bonding chemicals release with first intercourse

Jeremy Wiles explain the internal mechanism of our first sexual encounter well.
There’s a reason why breaking up from a sexual relationship is much more emotionally painful and much harder to forget than one that didn’t involve sex. There are several neurochemical processes that occur during sex, which are the “glue” to human bonding. Sex is a powerful brain stimulant. When someone is involved sexually, it makes him or her want to repeat that act. Their brain produces lots of dopamine—a powerful chemical, which is compared to heroin on the brain. Dopamine is your internal pleasure/reward system. When dopamine is involved, it changes how we remember. The other part is oxytocin, which is designed to mainly help us forget what is painful. Oxytocin is a hormone produced primarily in women’s bodies. When a woman has a child and she is breastfeeding, she produces lots of oxytocin, which bonds her to her child. For this reason, mothers will die for their child, because they’ve become emotionally bonded due to the oxytocin that is released when they’re skin-to-skin with their child. The same phenomenon occurs when a woman is intimate with a man. Oxytocin is released, and this makes her bond to him emotionally. Have you wondered sometimes why a woman will stay with a man who’s abusing her? We know now that it’s because she bonded to him emotionally because of the oxytocin released during sex. Men produce vasopressin, which is also referred to as the “monogamy hormone,” and it has the same effect as oxytocin has on a woman. It bonds a man to a woman. These “bonding” agents narrow our selection to one person. That is wonderful in a marriage relationship but really bad in a dating relationship because you lose your objectivity when you’re searching for your potential lifemate.[1] Oxytocin is a pro-social hormone released during body contact. It is involved in nursing behavior, trust and “mind-reading” as well as counteracting stress and fear.  All these chemicals working in the body have one obvious goal namely: oneness, bonding, intimate closeness and dependency on another. It is also true that physical sex does not satisfy the deepest of desire in the human spirit, we need to connect and synchronize soul and spirit to experience sustainable bliss.

Learn to Work together:

Elizabeth Bernstein writes in her blog “When It Never Gets Easier to Say Goodbye”:
Scientists believe the attachment system is an evolutionary process that humans developed to survive. Early hunter-gatherers learned to work together, and children perished without the care and protection of an adult.[2]
Over time we learn to develop an intricate pattern of working and operating together to deal with life over time. For example: One partner focuses on the finances, the other on child raising. The one partner knows how to use technology, the other one are good with building social relationships. We both add to the relationship based on our diverse personalities, values, skills and talents. This is why it is so painful when we detach from each other, the person you have relied on is gone. Once we move beyond the romantic phase, and the power struggle phase remaining committed we eventually begin to celebrate our differences. For it is our diversity that is really useful when it comes to teamwork. Initially we try to change our partners to be like us, but eventually, we begin to see that it is their unlike-us-ness that is most useful.

Your relationship has a unique thumbprint

John Gottman says that all relationships have patterns, sort of like a thumbprint. And, that by witnessing just a small portion of the relationship pattern, (the thumbprint, if you will) he can make a fairly accurate call on whether the relationship will survive. Gottman has screened thousands of couples over more than 30 years, getting scientific proof on what make some relationships last and others fail. He has discovered that couples who argue more, is not necessary in more danger than seeming peaceful couples, the bottom line is the 5:1 ratio, 5 Times more positive experiences than negative ones. Each couple develops unique internal dynamics of problem solving, negotiating daily challenges. [3]

You Share a brain

Celia Harris and colleagues at Macquarie University recently reviewed their previously published and new research on social remembering by long-term intimate couples. “Remembering together – How long-term couples develop interconnected memory systems”
Together, couples were able to put together “richer, more vivid descriptions” of moments they’d shared, and, at times, the way one partner remembered something helped the other person see an old memory in a new light. Though, of course, we also know that human memory is incredibly faulty, and that a story can change from one telling to another. So it’s less that couples help each other remember an objectively accurate account of what happened and more like they help each other put the event in its proper emotional context. The memory-enhancing effect was most pronounced in older couples, and it worked better for partners who were kinder to each other and who reported having more intimate relationships, Fradera notes. Be nice to your partner; he or she may be the keeper of many of your memories. [4]

We create our own unique vocabulary.

Erin Brodwin writes the following in her blog about: “Science says these 5 things happen to couples that’s been together over a long time” I include her following points.
Ever get a text from your significant other that means absolutely nothing on its own but carries a certain significance that you can’t quite explain? This “insider” language is one of the first signs that the two of you are operating in sync, writes Shenk. According to a study from University of Texas professor of communication Robert Hopper, secret communication accomplishes two things: First, it helps deepen your bond — romantic or platonic. Second, it establishes a unique, shared identity. Private language can include everything from inside jokes to nicknames, writes Ohio State University psychologist Carol Bruess in a study of romantic couples. Bruess’ research suggests a link between how often partners use these private words and how satisfied they are with their relationship. Bruess found that the more often couples used secret words and phrases, the happier they tended to say they were. [5]

You start to sound alike

In addition to having their own private vocabulary, long term couples eventually “start to match each other in the basic rhythms and syntactical structures of their speech,” writes Shenk. Part of that is a result of a phenomenon that psychologists call “emotional contagion.” Basically, when two people spend enough time together, they begin to match each other’s speech patterns. We mimic everything from the other person’s accent to the amount and length of pauses he or she puts between words and sentences. There’s some evidence to suggest that these changing speech patterns can even serve as one indicator of how long a couple might stay together. Part of a 2010 study of language use among couples that looked at couples’ text messages, for example, found that when two people “sounded” more alike (in terms of the words and language structure they used in their messages) they were also more likely to still be dating three months later.

You have a bunch of inside jokes that no one else thinks are funny.

Research suggests that couples are more likely to mirror each other’s body language — which in turn makes them look alike — because they’re drawing from a wealth of knowledge that only they share. This “insider info” — all of your shared experiences and memories — informs your gestures, posture, and the words and phrases you use with each other. A 2007 study, for example, found that people were more likely to copy each other’s eye gaze when they’d both heard the same background information before their conversation.

You start to look alike.

University of Michigan psychologist Robert Zajonc conducted an experiment to test this phenomenon. He analyzed photographs of couples taken when they were newlyweds and photographs of the same couples taken 25 years later. The results showed that the couples had grown to look more like each other over time. And, the happier that the couple said they were, the more likely they were to have increased in their physical similarity. http://www.livescience.com/8384-couples-start.html In his influential 1987 study, psychologist Robert Zajonc found that there’s a very obvious reason that married couples start to look alike: They use the same muscles so often that, over time, they start to mirror each other. This coordination of movement isn’t accidental, says Shenk. Instead, it “reflects what psychologists call a ‘shared coordinative structure’ which includes how we harmonize our gaze, body sway, and the little mannerisms and idiosyncrasies of how we speak.

You stop self-censoring

The way most of us speak with strangers, acquaintances and even close friends are markedly different from how we talk when we’re alone with our partner.
When we’re with others, most of us “self-monitor.” That is, we try to please the people around us by adapting our behavior to suit theirs. But when we’re with an intimate partner, we let go of this pattern of behavior and instead “talk fluidly and naturally,” Shenk writes. In other words, we stop having to constantly check ourselves before we speak. We’re more candid and more open. Many of the pairs Shenk talks to in his book have such a relationship. University of California Berkeley psychologist Daniel Kahneman, for example, tells Shenk: “Like most people, I am somewhat cautious about exposing tentative thoughts to others.” But after he’d spent a few years working with his research partner, cognitive psychologist Amos Tverksy, “this caution was completely absent.”

You have unconsciously selected the best DNA for a healthy offspring:

Sheril Kirshenbaum writes a brief for CNN, on the science of kissing. The lips are the most exposed erogenous zone, and a good kiss can lead us to unconsciously coming back for more. These experiences lies deep in our unconscious mind and memory, because of the involvement of all our five senses, leading to attachment and bonding.
Beyond obvious mood spoilers such as poor hygiene and bad breath, we each have a distinct natural scent that appears to guide us toward choosing a partner with compatible DNA. Scientists have found that women prefer the scents of men with a complementary set of genes that code for the immune system. The benefit may be that if children come along down the line, they would be well-equipped to ward off disease. [6]
I hope I have made my point! We are more “one” than we think or feel. These attachments are mostly on an unconscious level, but we need to consciously agree and live a covenant lifestyle towards each other too.

Practical Steps to Preserve the Unity

twotreesone1) Understand the eternal value and quality of the covenant relationship. What a big difference will it make when we realize the problem is not your partner. The two of you are not that much different, you mostly want the same things. This is my experience with counseling couples over the years that both partners crave and desire the same things. The wife may complain that she did not feel loved and appreciated anymore because the husband is away a lot for business, the husband would complain that he does not feel connected with his wife, because she spends too much time with their children and her girlfriends.
The Godhead exists because unity is always first on the agenda. They always begin from this premise. You will handle a disagreement differently when you start from the point of what the two of you agree on. There is no escape, no separation, no hiding, no detachment – no divorce! We have to work it out. Divorce is simply never an option. We keep on engaging, trying, working it out, have love find a way, we keep on growing, becoming better. Do not take offense, and guard your hearts!
2) Covenant language. Many couples talk themselves out of marriage because they have already separated in their hearts. Point 1 deal with the heart; point 2 deals with our words. We should never use the word divorce. We check our tone of voice. Our tone should always be respectful, mixed with honor. We speak life not death. Beware of complaining, murmuring and negative talk. Also be aware of the criticism, contempt, stonewalling and defensive talk – John Gottman’s four horses of the apocalypse announcing the end and ruin of the relationship. Song of Solomon is a beautiful expression of the language of covenant partners in love! May we never stop to speak love poetry.
3) Covenant actions. Actions speak louder than words. What do our actions testify off? The proof is in the doing. Doing the small things, being kind, and mindful. Covenant decisions and loyalty. Is it loyal to your partner to share deep heart issues with anyone, but your partner? Quality time! Keeping one another informed. Do not take any decisions unless you are in agreement. This is the primary way to honor and respect each other. Gottman’s 5:1 ratio is all about positive bidding. The couples that continue to remain happy in the relationship are the ones that get a 70 % positive result. This entails both parties denying of self. Dying to self and putting your partner’s needs first, is a powerful covenant action!
When our dog gets sick, we do not kill them, nor leave them to recover by themselves. We take them to a veterinarian. The same with our cars, when they break, we do not abandon them, and solemnly swear to never drive them again, rather we take them to a mechanic. Why do we give up on our marriages so easily? We are so reluctant to go for help, or go for counseling. We can read a book, or go to a marriage retreat. We can go to our pastor and get help. Marriage is holy, and worth fighting for!
[1] http://www.charismanews.com/opinion/39405-science-proves-premarital-sex-rewires-the-brain
[2] http://www.wsj.com/articles/SB10000872396390443995604578002352537833908
[3] Why Marriages succeed or fail. John Gottman
[4] Harris, C., Barnier, A., Sutton, J., & Keil, P. (2014). Couples as socially distributed cognitive systems: Remembering in everyday social and material contexts Memory Studies, 7 (3), 285-297 http://digest.bps.org.uk/2014/07/remembering-together-how-long-term.html
[5] http://www.businessinsider.com/couples-have-a-shared-mind-2015-5[6] http://edition.cnn.com/2012/02/14/opinion/kirshenbaum-science-kissing/

Categories
Hartklop

How deeply are we connected in Marriage

God instituted marriage since Adam and Eve, (Gen 2:24) for us to experience the union that exists in the Godhead. (Joh 17:21) The trinity is a mysterious union of oneness. We do not worship 3 Gods, He is one. (Deut 6:4) Yet they are distinctively different.  This unity of diversity is the end goal of the marriage relationship.
“ Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate” (Mat 19:4-5)
Mixure of sand2The marriage ceremony symbolizes covenant.  The giving of rings, an unbroken circle and symbol of eternity, the vows, pointing towards a lasting covenant made.
In the Old Testament covenant procedure required blood: An animal was slaughtered to testify to the fact that we, after our death cannot change our will and testament. The emphasis is on: CANNOT! It is impossible to separate!
We may not feel “one” most of the time, yet like two containers of diverse sand mixed together, it is impossible to completely separate the two substances again. This oneness occurs and develops like a new tree planted, it grows and matures over time, become stronger and more evident.
You and your partner are more “one” than you may think.
Let’s look at some research being done over the last two decades on synergy and harmony in a long-term relationship.
Oneness instituted with first intercourse.
In Jewish culture, the marriage was consummated not with the solemn words of the preacher, but with the act of intercourse.  In Biblical times, a couple consummated their marriage in a room, called the chuppah. After their union they would come out and the bed linen presented for the evidence of blood.  This was to proof the chastity of the bride.  It is obvious that God intended the consummation of marriage to be a covenant making between two individuals.   The circuitry of the brain gets wired through first experiences: Should two individuals not wire together at the same time, writing a code of unity from the start? When we had sex with a number of people, our brain circuits becomes set in a certain way, it can be quite a challenge to find and bond with a partner with weird adapted circuitry.
The Bonding chemicals release with first intercourse
Jeremy Wiles explain the internal mechanism of our first sexual encounter well.
There’s a reason why breaking up from a sexual relationship is much more emotionally painful and much harder to forget than one that didn’t involve sex. There are several neurochemical processes that occur during sex, which are the “glue” to human bonding. Sex is a powerful brain stimulant. When someone is involved sexually, it makes him or her want to repeat that act. Their brain produces lots of dopamine—a powerful chemical, which is compared to heroin on the brain. Dopamine is your internal pleasure/reward system. When dopamine is involved, it changes how we remember. The other part is oxytocin, which is designed to mainly help us forget what is painful. Oxytocin is a hormone produced primarily in women’s bodies. When a woman has a child and she is breastfeeding, she produces lots of oxytocin, which bonds her to her child. For this reason, mothers will die for their child, because they’ve become emotionally bonded due to the oxytocin that is released when they’re skin-to-skin with their child. The same phenomenon occurs when a woman is intimate with a man. Oxytocin is released, and this makes her bond to him emotionally. Have you wondered sometimes why a woman will stay with a man who’s abusing her? We know now that it’s because she bonded to him emotionally because of the oxytocin released during sex. Men produce vasopressin, which is also referred to as the “monogamy hormone,” and it has the same effect as oxytocin has on a woman. It bonds a man to a woman. These “bonding” agents narrow our selection to one person. That is wonderful in a marriage relationship but really bad in a dating relationship because you lose your objectivity when you’re searching for your potential lifemate.[1]
All these chemicals working in the body have one obvious goal namely: oneness, bonding, intimate closeness and dependency on another.  It is also true that physical sex do not satisfy the deepest of desire in the human spirit, we need to connect and synchronize soul and spirit to experience sustainable bliss.
Learn to Work together:
Elizabeth Bernstein writes in her blog “When It Never Gets Easier to Say Goodbye”:
Scientists believe the attachment system is an evolutionary process that humans developed to survive. Early hunter-gatherers learned to work together, and children perished without the care and protection of an adult.[2]
Over time we learn to develop an intricate pattern of working and operating together to deal with life over time.  For example: One partner focuses on the finances, the other on child raising.  The one partner knows how to use technology, the other one are good with building social relationships.  We both add to the relationship based on our diverse personalities, values, skills and talents.  This is why it is so painful when we detach from each other, the person you have relied on is gone.   Once we move beyond the romantic phase, and the power struggle phase remaining committed we eventually begin to celebrate our differences. For it is our diversity that is really useful when it comes to teamwork.  Initially we try to change our partners to be like us, but eventually we begin to see that it is their unlike-us-ness that is most useful.
Your relationship has a unique thumbprint
John Gottman says that all relationships have patterns, sort of like a thumbprint. And, that by witnessing just a small portion of the relationship pattern, (the thumbprint, if you will) he can make a fairly accurate call on whether the relationship will survive. Gottman has screened thousands of couples over more than 30 years, getting scientific proof on what make some relationships last and others fail.  He has discovered that couples who argue more, is not necessary in more danger than seeming peaceful couples, the bottom line is the 5:1 ratio, 5 Times more positive experiences than negative ones. Each couple develops unique internal dynamics of problem solving, negotiating daily challenges. [3]
You Share a brain
Celia Harris and colleagues at Macquarie University recently reviewed their previously published and new research on social remembering by long-term intimate couples. “Remembering together – How long-term couples develop interconnected memory systems”
Together, couples were able to put together “richer, more vivid descriptions” of moments they’d shared, and, at times, the way one partner remembered something helped the other person see an old memory in a new light. Though, of course, we also know that human memory is incredibly faulty, and that a story can change from one telling to another. So it’s less that couples help each other remember an objectively accurate account of what happened and more like they help each other put the event in its proper emotional context. The memory-enhancing effect was most pronounced in older couples, and it worked better for partners who were kinder to each other and who reported having more intimate relationships, Fradera notes. Be nice to your partner; he or she may be the keeper of many of your memories. [4]
We create our own unique vocabulary.
Erin Brodwin writes the following in her blog about: “Science says these 5 things happen to couples that’s been together over a long time” I include her following points.
Ever get a text from your significant other that means absolutely nothing on its own but carries a certain significance that you can’t quite explain? This “insider” language is one of the first signs that the two of you are operating in sync, writes Shenk. According to a study from University of Texas professor of communication Robert Hopper, secret communication accomplishes two things: First, it helps deepen your bond — romantic or platonic. Second, it establishes a unique, shared identity. Private language can include everything from inside jokes to nicknames, writes Ohio State University psychologist Carol Bruess in a study of romantic couples. Bruess’ research suggests a link between how often partners use these private words and how satisfied they are with their relationship. Bruess found that the more often couples used secret words and phrases, the happier they tended to say they were. [5]
You start to sound alike
In addition to having their own private vocabulary, long term couples eventually “start to match each other in the basic rhythms and syntactical structures of their speech,” writes Shenk. Part of that is a result of a phenomenon that psychologists call “emotional contagion.” Basically, when two people spend enough time together, they begin to match each other’s speech patterns. We mimic everything from the other person’s accent to the amount and length of pauses he or she puts between words and sentences. There’s some evidence to suggest that these changing speech patterns can even serve as one indicator of how long a couple might stay together. Part of a 2010 study of language use among couples that looked at couples’ text messages, for example, found that when two people “sounded” more alike (in terms of the words and language structure they used in their messages) they were also more likely to still be dating three months later.
You have a bunch of inside jokes that no one else thinks are funny.
Research suggests that couples are more likely to mirror each other’s body language — which in turn makes them look alike — because they’re drawing from a wealth of knowledge that only they share. This “insider info” — all of your shared experiences and memories — informs your gestures, posture, and the words and phrases you use with each other.  A 2007 study, for example, found that people were more likely to copy each other’s eye gaze when they’d both heard the same background information before their conversation.
You start to look alike.
University of Michigan psychologist Robert Zajonc conducted an experiment to test this phenomenon. He analyzed photographs of couples taken when they were newlyweds and photographs of the same couples taken 25 years later. The results showed that the couples had grown to look more like each other over time. And, the happier that the couple said they were, the more likely they were to have increased in their physical similarity. http://www.livescience.com/8384-couples-start.html In his influential 1987 study, psychologist Robert Zajonc found that there’s a very obvious reason that married couples start to look alike: They use the same muscles so often that, over time, they start to mirror each other. This coordination of movement isn’t accidental, says Shenk. Instead, it “reflects what psychologists call a ‘shared coordinative structure’ which includes how we harmonize our gaze, body sway, and the little mannerisms and idiosyncrasies of how we speak.
You stop self-censoring
The way most of us speak with strangers, acquaintances and even close friends is markedly different from how we talk when we’re alone with our partner.
When we’re with others, most of us “self-monitor.” That is, we try to please the people around us by adapting our behavior to suit theirs. But when we’re with an intimate partner, we let go of this pattern of behavior and instead “talk fluidly and naturally,” Shenk writes. In other words, we stop having to constantly check ourselves before we speak. We’re more candid and more open.  Many of the pairs Shenk talks to in his book have such a relationship. University of California Berkeley psychologist Daniel Kahneman, for example, tells Shenk: “Like most people, I am somewhat cautious about exposing tentative thoughts to others.” But after he’d spent a few years working with his research partner, cognitive psychologist Amos Tverksy, “this caution was completely absent.”
You have unconsciously selected the best DNA for a healthy offspring:
Sheril Kirshenbaum writes a brief for CNN, on the science of kissing. The lips are the most exposed erogenous zone, and a good kiss can lead us to unconsciously coming back for more.  These experiences lies deep in our unconscious mind and memory, because of the involvement of all our five senses, leading to attachment and bonding.
Beyond obvious mood spoilers such as poor hygiene and bad breath, we each have a distinct natural scent that appears to guide us toward choosing a partner with compatible DNA. Scientists have found that women prefer the scents of men with a complementary set of genes that code for the immune system. The benefit may be that if children come along down the line, they would be well-equipped to ward off disease. [6]
I hope I have made my point! We are more “one” than we think or feel.  These attachments are mostly on an unconscious level, but we need to consciously agree and live a covenant lifestyle towards each other too.
twotreesone1)    Understand the eternal value and quality of the covenant relationship.  What a big difference will it make when we realize the problem is not your partner. The two of you are not that much different, you mostly want the same things. This is my experience with counseling couples over the years that both partners crave and desire the same things. The wife may complain that she does not feel loved and appreciated any more because the husbands is away a lot for business, the husband would complain that he does not feel connected with his wife, because she spends too much time with their children and her girlfriends.
The Godhead exists because unity is always first on the agenda. They always begin from this premise.  You will handle a disagreement differently, when you start from the point of what the two of you agree on.  There is no escape, no separation, no hiding, no detachment – no divorce! We have to work it out. Divorce is simply never an option. We keep on engaging, trying, working it out, have love find a way, we keep on growing, becoming better.  Do not take offence, and guard your hearts!
2)    Covenant language. Many couples talk themselves out of marriage, because they have already separated in their hearts. Point 1 deal with the heart; point 2 deals with our words.  We should never use the word divorce. We check our tone of voice. Our tone should always be respectful, mixed with honor. We speak life not death. Beware of complaining, murmuring and negative talk.  Also be aware of criticism, contempt, stonewalling and defensive talk – John Gottman’s four horses of the apocalypse announcing the end and ruin of the relationship.  Song of Solomon is a beautiful expression of the language of covenant partners in love!  May we never stop to speak love poetry.
3)    Covenant actions. Actions speak louder than words. What does our actions testify off? The proof is in the doing. Doing the small things, being kind, and mindful. Covenant decisions and loyalty.  Is it loyal to your partner to share deep heart issues with anyone, but your partner? Quality time! Keeping one another informed. Do not take any decisions unless you are in agreement. This is the primary way to honor and respect each other.  Gottman’s 5:1 ratio is all about positive bidding. The couples that continue to remain happy in the relationship are the ones that gets a 70 % positive result.  This entails both parties denying of self. Dying to self and putting your partners needs first, is a powerful covenant action!
When our dog gets sick, we do not kill them, nor leave them to recover by themselves. We take them to a veterinarian. The same with our cars, when they break, we do not abandon them, and solemnly swear to never drive them again, rather we take them to a mechanic. Why do we give up on our marriages so easily? We are so reluctant to go for help, or go for counseling. We can read a book, or go to a marriage retreat.  We can go to our pastor and get help.  Marriage is holy, and worth fighting for!

[1] http://www.charismanews.com/opinion/39405-science-proves-premarital-sex-rewires-the-brain
[3] Why Marriages succeed or fail. John Gottman
[4] Harris, C., Barnier, A., Sutton, J., & Keil, P. (2014). Couples as socially distributed cognitive systems: Remembering in everyday social and material contexts Memory Studies, 7 (3), 285-297 http://digest.bps.org.uk/2014/07/remembering-together-how-long-term.html
Categories
Sermons

Wie is my Navolger? Wie los jy in jou plek, wanneer jy weg is?

Wie is my Navolger? Wie los jy in jou plek, wanneer jy weg is?

Discipleship

Wie is my Navolger?

PATTERN YOURSELVES after me [follow my example], as I imitate and follow Christ (the Messiah). 1 Cor 11:1 Wie is jou navolgers? Kan jy ook hierdie vers met oortuiging vir jou kinders en volgelinge sê? In terme van Leierskap sê John Maxwell; “If you leading and no one is following, you’re only taking a walk in the park.” Iemand het my eendag gevra: “What type of Christianity are your church creating?” Die vraag het lank by my gebly. Die vraag wat elke leier sekerlik sal moet antwoord aan die Here is; watse tipe Christene wil God hê? Die Woord is egter duidelik. Ons verheerlik God die meeste wanneer ons die meeste soos Jesus leef en handel! Mense wat nie meer rondgegooi word deur winde van lering nie, wat standvastig in hulle geloof kan bly staan selfs in tye van verdrukking, vervolging en lyding. Mense wat onder die moeilikste omstandighede, nog steeds Jesus se geur versprei! Mense wat nie meer vasgevang is in gewoonte sondes nie, maar heilig en toegewy aan God lewe, sonder trots, ego en selfverheerliking. Mense wat gesterf het in self, en daagliks hulle kruis opneem in Sy opstandingskrag! DIT IS DIE TIPE CHRISTENSKAP WAT GOD SOEK!

Van alle aktiwiteite, programme, byeenkomste, konferensies, wat die kerk ook al mag hou; as ons nie dissipels maak nie, is die groei en getalle van korte duur. Dis maklik om duisende mense te kry vir een byeenkoms, maar baie moeilik om een dissipel te maak wat uiteindelik op hulle beurt ook weer ‘n dissipel sal maak.

 

Volhoubare groei in die kerk is alleenlik moontlik wanneer elkeen lewe om die wêreld volgelinge te maak van Jesus!

DiscipleOns natuurlike navolgers is ons kinders. Hulle sien, hoor, en voel ons elke beweging en modelleer hulle lewens volgens ons voorbeeld, en ook ons foute. Casting Crowns se liedjie “Slow Fade” sê dit mooi; “Be careful little feet where you go, for it’s the little feet behind you that are sure to follow”.

Jy maak dissipels sonder dat jy dit weet. Wat jy praat en leef, raak mense om jou. Sonder dat jy weet sien hulle of jou dade ooreenstem met jou uitsprake. Jesus leef in jou, en mense word outomaties na Hom toe aangetrek. Skinder is niks anders as dissipels maak van jou storie nie. Deur jou offense te deel, en mense te kry om simpatie te hê, wen jy dissipels vir jou ‘cause’, oor hoe verontreg jy is. Ons is geroep om mense te inspireer om ook te wil hê wat ons het – JESUS die Christus!

Die groot “Commission” Jesus se opdrag aan sy dissipels was: “Go out and train everyone you meet, far and near, in this way of life” (Message) of “Daarom moet julle na elke volk op aarde toe gaan en hulle my volgelinge maak” (Lewende Bybel) Mat 28:19 Dis die enigste volhoubare groei in die Kerk. Jou redding is nie net vir jouself nie, God wil deur jou die Wêreld raak met Sy genade en manier van lewe.

Jesus is ons missie, visie en algehele rede waarom ons bestaan.

Ons geloofspad met Jesus is ‘n reis van groei na volwassenheid in Hom. Hierdie groei kan nie sonder die medewerking van die liggaam plaasvind nie. (Efe 4:11-16) Dit is belangrik om ook te besef dat dissipelskap die beste werk binne die liggaam, want ons skiet almal tekort, mense faal ons, dit is ongesond dat leiding net van een persoon afkomstig is. Binne die raamwerk van familie, en die dinamiek van familie, en juis die diversiteit van verskillende rolle, ouderdomme en persoonlikhede wat optimale groei meebring. Die dissipelskap verhouding is net vir ’n tydperk, nie vir ’n leeftyd nie. Jesus het net 2,5 jr gehad om sy dissipels gereed te kry om oor te neem.

Lewensfase Behoefte Volgeling se rol Leier se rol
Geboorte Voorbeeld en rigting gee Gehoorsaamheid Inspireer
Kleuter Onvoorwaardelike Liefde, en beskerming Waarheid Modelleer
Jongmens Vorming van identiteit en vryheid om op eie te ontwikkel Nederigheid Afrigter
Volwassene Vennootskap en vriendskap Samewerking Vennoot

Terwyl ons almal in Hom opgroei na volwassenheid, hardloop ons ons eie wedloop. Petrus wou weet wat van Johannes? Jesus antwoord hom: “As Ek wil hê dat hy in die lewe moet bly totdat Ek weer kom, is dit nie jou saak nie. Volg jy My!” Dis nog een van die paradokse van die Evangelie: Ons kan nie sonder mekaar nie, maar elkeen hardloop volgens sy of haar eie pas. Ons oë is nie op mense gevestig nie, maar op Jesus die voleinder van ons geloof. (Heb 12:2)

Harvester is by uitstek ‘n verhouding georiënteerde gemeente, mense stap nie noodwendig sommer net in ‘n diens in en word deel nie. Groei vind veral binne die raamwerk van verhoudinge en spesifiek die dissipelskap-verhouding plaas. Ons hou tans verskeie “oes” (Harvest Events) waar mense kom besoek, dit is belangrik dat elke medewerker in die geloof wakker is in die gees om konneksie te maak met hierdie ‘soekers’. As volwasse gelowige kom jy nie meer na die diens net om te kom ontvang nie, jy kom om mense te bedien met dit wat jy in Christus ontvang het.

andyDISSIPELSKAP 101

– Kom gereeld bymekaar. Weeklikse saambid, Bybelstudie, gesprekke, berading, uitreike en bediening aan ander.

– Die ideale dissipelskap groep is 3 mense. Dit verplaas die fokus van een persoon as die leidende figuur, na die hele groep. Dit maak die mees volwasse lid ook ‘n deelnemer. Daar is meer veiligheid, volhoubaarheid, balans en krag in die verhouding van drie as net twee.

– Die kleingroep bring intieme interpersoonlike vertroue en oopmaak mee, sodat Jesus se lig verandering kan bring deur die krag van die Heilige Gees. Onbybelse geloofsoortuigings wat mense gevange hou, kan aangespreek word soos die die Here dit na voorskyn bring. Dissipelskap is die proses, waar die Here alles wat nie Jesus is nie wegsny.

– Beweging is lewe en groei: Deur passief net dienste by te woon, lei tot stagnasie. Deur aktief te begin bedien, van jouself te gee, en mense se groei op jou hart te dra bring jou eie groei mee. Ons Christenskap kan nie net oor ons eie belange gaan nie, dus juis in jou uitgee dat jy weer vol word. Dis in dien, dat jy bedien word. Dis in gee, dat jy vol word! Ha nee, spectators!

AKSIES:

1. Vas en Bid oor dissipelskap: Laat die Here self vir jou sleutels gee en lei hoe om te begin.

2. Lys die name van wie die Here na jou toe gestuur het om te help en te mentor. Identifiseer jou dissipels, hulle is na jou toe gestuur, en jy na hulle. “Divine Connections” Dink aan Cornelius en Petrus.

3. Verskillende tipe en vlakke van dissipels. (3, 12, 70, skare) Wie is jy besig om op te rig, om te doen wat jy doen? Aan wie gaan jy oorgee? Wat los jy agter, en wat vat jy saam na jou dood? Siele is ’n ewige kommoditeit.

4. Kry ’n tyd wanneer jul bymekaar kan kom. As jy net 2.5 jr gehad het om iemand alles te leer wat jy weet, met watse dringendheid sou jy aandag gegee het aan die taak?

Categories
Sermons

5 Goeie redes hoekom jy nie ‘n erediens moet mis nie

5 Goeie redes hoekom jy nie ‘n erediens moet mis nie

5 Goeie redes hoekom jy nie ‘n erediens moet mis nie.

Hoekom kom Christine op ‘n Sondag byeen?

In die reformasie van die kerk ontdek ons ou waarhede, en maak dit weer nuut en relevant vir vandag. Die gevaar is : in die klem wat outomaties saam met die nuut gaan, die hedendaagse goeie tradisies te minag of te vergeet. Ek het myself ook al gevang waar ek die erediens minder maak teenoor bv. die belangrikheid van die familie en huiskerk, die belangrikheid van dissipels maak teenoor die samekoms op ‘n Sondag.

Die Sondagdiens was van die eerste nuwe verrigtinge waarmee die vroeë gelowiges weggebreek het van die tradisie van die Jodedom. Dit was geen klein wegbreek nie, vir eeue is die Sabbat geheilig as God se dag.

Die samekoms was in essensie wat kerk beteken het. In al die 114 kere wat die woord Ecclesia gebruik word in die NT, verwys dit na die publieke samekoms van gelowiges. “geroep vanuit”. [1]

Uit Paulus se briewe kan ons aflei dat die kwessie oor die Sabbat ‘n punt van debat en verskille was, en daarom die fokus van die NT kerk om weg te beweeg van die krag wat gesien is in ‘n heilige dag, na die krag van ‘n persoon naamlik Jesus Christus. (Gal 4:10; Col 2:16-17; Rom 14:5-6).

Die enigste manier om die krag van ‘n ritueel te ontneem is om daarvan af weg te bly, weg te beweeg en dit te ignoreer. Die NT het gekies om eerder op die eerste dag van die week byeen te kom. (1 Cor 16:2) Die dag was ook dikwels genoem is “die dag van die Here” (Rev 1:10) Die keuse van die dag was simbolies belangrik, want die onderliggende klem van alle NT prediking was opstanding! (Acts 1:22; 2:31; 4:2; 4:33; 17:18) Paulus se prediking oor die opstanding is wat juis die tema wat die skare oproerig gemaak het in Atene. (Acts 17:16-19, 33) Later was die prediking oor die opstanding van Jesus weer ‘n kwessie toe Paulus sy saak voor die Jode stel in Jerusalem wat toe daartoe lei dat hy hom beroep op die Keiser. (Acts 23)

Jesus het opgestaan op die 1ste dag van die week, Sondag! (Mark 16:2; Matthew 28:1; Luke 24:1; John 20:1, 19)

Die feit dat Paulus die gemeente aanmoedig om op die eerste dag van die week hulle Offerhande gereed te kry, verwys dat die dag alreeds as spesiaal herdenk is, anders sou hy nie die dag genoem het nie. In Acts 20:7 word die dag egter ook uitdruklik genoem. En op die eerste dag van die week, toe die dissipels vergader het om brood te breek, het Paulus hulle toegespreek.

Paulus maak die saak ook later baie duidelik dat ons nie een dag belangriker moet ag as die ander nie. Ons vier die dag vir die Here! (Rom 14:5-6) Later spreek hy die Gemeente in Kollosense aan, wat meestal heidenne of nie-jode was, om nie weer in ‘n vorm ingedruk te word oor Heilige dae nie. (Col 2:16-17) Dis duidelik dat in die vroeë kerk, beide die Sabbat en die 1ste dag van die week uitgesonder is vir die Here. (Acts 16:13; 17:2; 18:4) Maar die Sabbat byeenkoms was meestal in die sinagoge voordat die kerk heeltemal van Jodedom geskei het. Daarna het die byeenkoms op die Sabbat heeltemal verdwyn. Die Sondag byeenkoms was nie as rusdag gevier nie, die mense moes werk en het daarom meestal eers in die aand byeen gekom.

Die eerste Kerk het meestal in huise byeen gekom, Pricilla en Aquila se huis (Acts 16:3-5) en in Ephese by ‘n huis (1 Cor 16:19), in Filemon se huis (Phil 2), broeders in Laodicéa en Nimfas se huis (Col 4:15) and in Lydia se huis (Acts 16:40). Inteendeel die kerk het vir die 1ste 250 jaar van sy bestaan geen formele strukture of kerk geboue gehad nie. Paulus het in Efese in die skool van ’n sekere Tiránnus samesprekinge gehou. (Acts 19:9) Die huise in Bybelse tye was soms bo op die besigheid gebou, daarom die samekoms waar Paulus te lank gespreek het, en Eútichus uit die venster drie verdiepings ver geval het.

Tog kan ons nie die krag van ‘n groot byeenkoms onderskat nie. Kyk net na die momentum wat die Mighty Men beyeenkomste in ons land het. Manne wat nooit kerk toe of na ‘n huisgroep toe sou gaan nie, het na hierdie groot byeenkomste gegaan. Die groot saamtrek was in Jesus se tyd, asook die apostoliese tydperk populêr.

line-up-blur_1640070iVYF REDES HOEKOM EK NIE DIE KERK SE BYEENKOMSTE KAN VERSUIM NIE.

en laat ons ons onderlinge byeenkoms nie versuim soos sommige die gewoonte het nie, maar laat ons mekaar vermaan, en dit des te meer namate julle die dag sien nader kom. (Heb 10:25)

“The single Christian is no Christian” – Old Latin Saying

The Power of Agreement: Die Here manifesteer Homself waar daar meer as een byeen is en oor ‘n saak saamstem en daaroor bid. (Mat 18:20) Geen saak in die NT kerk is hanteer sonder twee of drie getuies nie. (Mat 18:16; 2 Cor 13:1; 1 Tim 5:19; Heb 10:28) Profesie is nie privaat vir mense gebring sonder dat twee of drie dit kan oordeel nie. (1 Cor 14:27, 29) Hierin is daar ‘n reuse beskerming. Ons neem nie besluite alleen nie, ons hoor nie God se stem alleen nie, dit wat ons hoor moet resoneer in ander gelowiges se harte ook. (Prov 11:14; 15:22; 24:6) Hy wat homself isoleer soek sy eie gewin. (Prov 18:1)

The Power of Declaration: Tydens die samekoms word verskeie verklarings in die Gees gemaak, die feit dat ons onsself verenig met hierdie verklarings, beweeg owerstes in die Gees. sodat nou deur die gemeente aan die owerhede en magte in die hemele die menigvuldige wysheid van God bekend gemaak kan word, (Eph 3:10) Die lofprysing veral gee uitdrukking aan die gesamentlike deklarasie, wat magte in die Gees ontwapen en nuetraliseer. 6 Lofverheffinge van God is in hulle keel, en ’n tweesnydende swaard in hulle hand; 7 om wraak te oefen onder die heidene, strafgerigte onder die volke; 8 om hulle konings met kettings te bind en hulle edeles met ysterboeie, 9 om ’n vonnis wat opgeskrywe is, aan hulle te voltrek. ’n Eer is dit vir al sy gunsgenote! Halleluja! (Ps 149:6-9) Ons kan nooit alleen die vyand konfronteer nie. Die geveg voel altyd gefokus op die individu, want die vyand wil soos wilde honde en leeus die swakste in die trop isoleer en oorrompel.

The Power of Corporate Anointing: Die krag van die Here is korporatief, en die individu ontvang makliker sonder moeite, net deur sy of haar deelname die krag en openbaring van die Here. Dit het met Koning Saul gebeur toe hy spontaan die vermoeë ontvang het om te profeteer, toe hy die profete besoek het. (1 Sam 10:1, 12) Later het dit ook met van sy boodskappers gebeur, toe hulle onder die profete kom, kom die salwing van die profete oor hulle. (1 Sam 19:20, 24) God plaas ‘n spesiale salwing op sekere mense, en deur onder hulle bediening te sit, ontvang jy en deel jy in die krag van daardie bediening. (Mat 10:41) So baie mense kla dat hulle oorgewig is, maar hulle doen niks om hulle dieët of oefen program aan te pas nie. So voel baie mense hulle is nie op die regte plek met die Here nie, maar hulle woon nie gereeld die samekoms van gelowiges by nie. Die samekoms van gelowiges waar die Gees van die Here beweeg is ‘n baie spesiale en kragtige plek waar jy uitgedaag, versterk, bemoedig, geleer en toegerus word. Dit is soos om na ‘n gimnasium toe te gaan.

The Power of Presence: Die teenwoordigheid van die Here manifesteer in die samekoms. (Ps 22:4) Jy kan dit bloot nie ontvang en daarvan deel wees deur elektroniese media nie. Alhoewel digitale media ‘n wonderlike hulpbron is, kan dit nie teenwoordigheid vervang nie. Hoeveel keer moes ek al gehoor het, jy moes daar gewees het! Wanneer iemand die oomblik van God se teenwoordigheid oordra is dit tweedehands. Jy kon dit eerstehands beleef het! Wanneer jy ‘n diens op audio hoor, is net jou ore sintuiglik betrokke, as jy in die samekoms en diens was, kan jy met al vyf jou sintuie God beleef. Dit is ook imperatief vir die hele gesin om almal saam die byeenkoms by te woon. Daar is niks so sleg dat die Here jou as individu kragtig aanraak tydens ‘n diens, en jy kan dit nie met jou maat deel nie. Dit is wat partykeer veroorsaak dat die een party verder en vinniger in die Here groei as die ander een, omdat hulle nie saam blootgestel word nie.

The Power of Resonance: When I tune my vibrating strings of energy to his frequencies as a sheer gift of grace, there will come a moment of resonance. You have seen what happens when resonance is reached in the old Ella Fitzgerald commercials, or in opera singer Caruso’s ability to launch notes at will that could shatter glass. When resonance is reached, there is a tremendous explosion of energy, and something has got to give; and it’s not going to be Jesus. The weaker instrument is transformed into a new identity, and we become “new creatures in Christ,” with resurrection wavelengths. In this state of resonance, we truly become the Jesus Vibe and “all things are possible.” In sync with the Spirit, we are one “in the Spirit.” [2] Die weermag gebruik vandag nog musiek en klank om hulle vyand te ontsenu. “Heavy Metal” musiek word teen 150 decibels vir 24 uur lank oor kragtige luidsprekers gespeel om rus te verstoor. In antieke tye is musiek en geraas ook dikwels in oorlogvoering gebruik. In die gees is die resonansie van Gelowiges wat in eenheid is, ‘n kragtige wapen waarteen die hekke van die hel nie kan stuit nie. Mat 16:18 Kragtige dinge het in die kerk van Handelinge gebeur omdat die kerk in eenheid saamgekom het.

Acts 1:14 Early apostolic gathering – continued with one accord.

Acts 2:1 they were all with one accord in one place.

Acts 2:46 continuing daily with one accord in the temple.

Acts 5:12 the were all with one accord in Solomon’s porch.

Acts 8:6 and the multitudes with one accord heeded the things spoken by Phillip.

The Power of Tuning in: Ons almal het nodig om elke dag ingestel te word. Soos snaar instrumente is dit baie maklik om uit te stel, van Jesus se frekwensie. Gereelde samekoms en saamwees, is ‘n outomatiese instel.

Dit is baie bemoedigend vir jou eie geloof en groei om te hoor dat dit wat jy gehoor het dieselfde as mede-gelowiges is. Dit bevestig God se Woord in jou hart. Gelowiges wat nie gereeld byeenkom nie, is later soos ‘n vals noot wat ‘n wanklank in die gees maak. Hulle harte is opreg, en hulle is lief vir die Here, maar jy kan nie die Here dien en liefhê sonder om vir Sy mense lief te wees nie. Die hele 1 Johannes brief handel hieroor.

Laastens: Dit is demoraliserend as jy by ‘n samekoms is, en jou familie daar verwag, maar hulle het net nie gekom nie. Ons voel sterker saam! Dis lekker as almal saamtrek! ‘n Weermag kan nie funksioneer sonder dat almal in posisie is nie. Die NT samekoms is nie ‘n plek waar ek kom om te ontvang nie, eerder ‘n plek om te kom gee. (1 Cor 14:26) Wanneer mense soms in nood verkeer, is die gemeente gewoonlik baie meer toegeeflik teenoor mense wat gereeld en getrou gewig gedra het, as ander wat nie het nie. Dis nie ’n vereiste vir liefde en omgee nie, maar dit maak liefhê meer spontaan en maklik.

place-at-table-2158

Ons het nog nooit mense verplig om aktiwiteite by te woon nie, want ons glo in vryheid en dat ons meelewing in die Here vrywillig moet wees, volgens elkeen se geloof. Ons is al telkemale juis vir hierdie vryheid bedank wat heers in ons midde, omdat sommige mense uit kerke kom wat van hulle mense slawe gemaak het. Sien egter die geestelike ‘significance’ van jou bydrae en daar wees! Dis vir jou eie beswil!!

 

[1] “Pagan Christianity” Bl 12, Viola/Barna, Tyndale 2002

[2] “Nudge” Leonard Sweet

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Discover God’s heart and blueprint for family

Discover God’s heart and blueprint for family

God intended family since the beginning. God made Adam and saw that he was alone, and needed a helpmate. He made Eve. Then they had children, obeying the first command to multiply and fill the earth. (Gen 1:28) This rule of multiplication is currently the primary method how Islam is intending to conquer the world. They do not integrate, learn the language, abandon their traditions and clothing. Yet they are now residing over the world, and expanding through population growth percentage of 3.1 children per family against the 2.1 rate of Europe and America. See the following article on this subject: http://brie-hoffman.hubpages.com/hub/Muslim-World-how-muslims-will-take-over-the-world-via-population-growth Although this may be true, originally God’s intention is to cover the earth with His Glory, through godly and righteous families.
The first family serves as an example of the struggles of family too. When Adam’s children sacrificed to God, Abel’s sacrifice was approved but not Cain’s. He murdered his brother out of jealousy, anger and offense. (Gen 4:5-6) God’s answer to Cain is interesting: (v7) “If you do well, will you not be accepted? If you do not do well, sin crouches at your door, its desire is for you, but you must master it.” Cain’s heart was exposed by God rejection of his sacrifice. “Am I my brother’s keeper?” (Gen 4:9) God is not interested in our sacrifices, but our mercy, readiness to help those who are in trouble. (Mat 9:13 AMPLIFIED) Family is the primary breeding ground for offenses to happen, when we master it, we will be able to master life.
Multiplying was the easy part, how to multiply spiritually and have the children walk in the precepts of the parents seems to be the difficult part.
The way God’s family is constituted is through faith and obedience. God called Abraham from the Chaldeans living in Ur, to become His family. (Gen 12:1; Rom 4:5) Abraham is the father of faith. (Rom 3:30; 4:1-2; 4:16; Heb 6:15) His name Abraham – Means Father of many nations. Essensially the story of the birth of a nation, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob is a family story.
A Spiritual Family – Birthed by Supernatural means
Sarah, Rachel, and Rebekka all was barren, and God had to miraculously open their womb to be able to bare children. The Covenent blessing on Abraham since the beginning was towards a generational legacy of families. (Gen 12:1-3) None of their firstborn by blood received the covenant blessing. Abraham’s first born was Ismael. But Isaac born of Sarah received the promise. (Gen 17:18-21) Isaac’s firstborn was Essau, yet Jacob deceives his father and received the blessing. (Gen 27:20-29) Jacob’s first born was Rueben and did not received a blessing: “You will not excel” (Gen 48:3-4) Reuben’s immorality with his father’s concubine Bilhah (the mother of his brothers Dan and Naphtali) is recorded in Genesis 35:22. Joseph received the blessing born as the oldest son with Jacob’s wife Rachel. Yet later Benjamin received the tribal blessing. Joseph firstborn son was Manasseh yet Jacob crossed his hands and blessed Ephriam. (Gen 48:1-20)
The Jewish system of governance is called a Theocracy where God is the King. It was not God’s original plan that Isreal should have an earthly king. (1 Sam 8:1-21) Even when Samuel warned them of the consequenses: 19 Nevertheless the people refused to obey the voice of Samuel; and they said, “No, but we will have a king over us, 20 that we also may be like all the nations, and that our king may judge us and go out before us and fight our battles.” It was never God’s desire that His people be enslaved as subjects of a King. God’s plan is family!
When God apointed the first King of Isreal He chose the King in the way man would chose. … a mighty man of power. 2 And he had a choice and handsome son whose name was Saul. There was not a more handsome person than he among the children of Israel. From his shoulders upward he was taller than any of the people. (1 Sam 9:1-2) When Dawid was the youngest son of Jesse, and yet he received the appointment as the next king of Israel, because of his faith and relationship with God. . (1 Sam 16:13)
God wants us to be His children, people of faith, walking according to his statutes and will. This is why some people who would never have been accepted into the Kingdom are included because of their faith, like Boaz and Ruth, and their son Obed. Hagar the prostitute, who hid the Israelite Spies, and gave them a way of escape. The Bible story and history, is a story of faith heroes. (Heb 11)
God values family very highly. Family is God’s way of maturing us into adulthood. Physiologists and educators can list the negative effects of a broken family, absent parents, child abuse due to bad parental rolemodels and poor family structures. We can suppose that most of the social problems we experience today is because of a broken family unit. This is clearly evident studying the Kings. But not many leaders in the Bible succeeded to raise their kids in the fear of God. Eli the High Priest became vile because he did not restrain them (1 Sam 3:13) Samuel’s children also did not serve God. They turned aside after dishonest gain, took bribes, and perverted justice. Which speaks of a lack of godly character. (1 Sam 8:3)
Interesting that some of the rightous Kings in Judah, did not follow their own father’s legacy but chose to go back and follow in David’s footsteps. 2 And he did what was right in the sight of the Lord, and walked in all the ways of his father David; he did not turn aside to the right hand or to the left. (2 Kings 22:2) On there were Kings who did not consider the legacy they left for their Children, knowing that their own children would suffer the consequences of their father’s doings. So Hezekiah showed off all the riches of Judah to the son of King of Babylon and consequently received the damnation by the Prophet Isaiah that this very Kingdom will come and carry all this riches away. He was only so happy that the judgment will not happen in his lifetime. 19 So Hezekiah said to Isaiah, “The word of the Lord which you have spoken is good!” For he said, “Will there not be peace and truth at least in my days?” (2 Kings 20:15)
This very same attitude pertains to most Africans in African culture. They are more concerned with the dead, and their forefathers, than to try to make it easier for the immerging generation. In African culture the children is responsible for the parent. Paying huge sums for Lobola as a wedding gift to the father. In Western Culture the father pays the huge amount for the wedding. Both are extremes. God the father being our example how He raised Jesus into adulthood through dissipline and obedience to earthly parents, in a small close-knit community and when He was ready at the age of thirty release to him the powers of His Kingdom. The end-goal of God’s view of family is maturity. The husband should, like Christ, present his wife blameless and perfect to God, thus meaning mature. (Eph 5:27) This is mostly done by example and following, obeying and submitting to Jesus. Wives should instruct the younger, through wisdom, example, purity and reverence. (1 Tim 5:2; Tit 2:3)
The eternal Church God’s design for family.
The Church: The Spirit-filled community of salvation History – The church is the receiver and fulfilment of the Kingdom and the message of salvation. (Mat 16:18) Church is seen as a many membered active body of believers who each have an important role to play. (Rom 12:3-8; 2:19-22) Although leaders are important in the church, and should be respected (Heb 13:7-8, 17) the active ministry and participation of the church as a whole is imperative. The apostles do not see leaders above people, but among the people. Leading by example (Acts 18:3; 20:33–35) This is why the fivefold ministries are given, to equip the saints for their ministry. (Ephesians 4:11) Church is seen as one body, filled with one spirit, with one father, one baptism and one faith. (Eph 4:4-6)
God’s mold for Family is church. The word church (ecclesia) is made up of two root words: ek – out of and kaleo – called. Thus a direct translation of church would be His called out ones. But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a dedicated nation, [God’s] own purchased, special people, that you may set forth the wonderful deeds and display the virtues and perfections of Him Who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light. (1 Pet 2:9)
 
Discerning the body of Christ
Our problem is not that there is to many churches, nor that we differ so much, but we do not discern one another as brothers of one family. (Eph 4:1-6) The Father determines the children. No one comes to the father if He doesn’t draw them. (Joh 6:44)
 
Our job is not to choose our family, but except the ones He has adopted into our family.
When Jesus came to the Earth He needed a body; today He still needs a body. (Heb 10:5) Of which He is the head. (Eph 1:22-23) There are different kind of bodies – the body both of men or animals – a dead body or corpse the living body of animals – the bodies of planets and of stars (heavenly bodies) – is used of a (large or small) number of men closely united into one society, or family as it were; a social, ethical, mystical body so in the NT of the church – a gathering of citizens called out from their homes into some public place, an assembly – an assembly of the people convened at the public place of the council for the purpose of deliberating the assembly of the Israelites – any gathering or throng of men assembled by chance, tumultuously in a Christian sense – an assembly of Christians gathered for worship in a religious meeting the assembly of faithful Christians already dead and received into heaven – a company of Christian, or of those who, hoping for eternal salvation through Jesus Christ, observe their own religious rites, hold their own religious meetings, and manage their own affairs, according to regulations prescribed for the body for order’s sake – those who anywhere, in a city, village, constitute such a company and are united into one bod – the whole body of Christians scattered throughout the earth.
In summery then we can say that there are various expressions of the Body of Christ. Small groups, house churches, large gatherings, ministries towards a specific need, whenever we actually get together in His name He manifest Himself amongst us. (Mat 18:20) It is thus important that we do not neglect these meetings. (Heb 10:25)
Question: Can I be a Christian without joining the church?
Answer: Yes, it is possible. It is something like being:
A student who will not go to school.
A soldier who will not join an army.
A citizen who does not pay taxes or vote.
A salesman with no customers.
An explorer with no base camp.
A seaman on a ship without a crew.
A businessman on a deserted island.
An author without readers.
A tuba player without an orchestra.
A parent without a family.
A football player without a team.
A politician who is a hermit.
A scientist who does not share his findings.
A bee without a hive.
Everyone knows about the old codger who lives to be 100 and cavalierly attributes his longevity to booze, black cigars, beautiful women-and never going to church. According to Dr. George W. Comstock of Johns Hopkins School of Hygiene and Public Health, that kind of impious longevity may be the exception, not the rule. In studies of the relation of socioeconomic factors to disease in the population of Washington County, Md., Comstock and his colleagues made an incidental but fascinating discovery. Regular churchgoing, and the clean living that often goes with it, appear to help people avoid a whole bagful of dire ailments and disasters. Among them: heart disease, cirrhosis of the liver, tuberculosis, cancer of the cervix, chronic bronchitis, fatal one-car accidents and suicides. The most significant finding was that people who go to church regularly have less arteriosclerotic heart disease. The annual death rate from such disease was about 500 for every 100,000 persons among weekly churchgoers, nearly 900 per 100,000 among “less than weekly” attendees. As for bronchitis, Comstock is at a loss to explain the relationship. (Maybe all that hymn singing helps clear the tubes. ) In any case, he has a name-or at least a nickname-for the whole phenomenon, which he humorously calls the “Leo Durocher” syndrome. “Nice guys,” concludes the good doctor, “do seem to finish last.”
Physician Steward Wolf in Roseta Pennsylvania has discovered this same phenomenon. This little community is a copycat mirror-image of the original Hometown in Italy, the street names, building style, and business names are all the same, even the very unique Italian dialect. The power of this unique community lies in their sense of family. Children grow up without fear of finding a job, for somewhere in the community someone will take you in. Up to three generations lived in one home. They visited one another regularly, cooking for one-another. They had a strong base of the extended family arranged naturally in clans. The have huge gatherings of eating and feasting together. They look out for another, and have a sense of responsibility and accountability to the greater whole. The end result? They have a very low rate of any heart decease. It is not the food they eat, that effect this result, rather it is the way they operate as a family. (From Outliers Pg 3-11, Malcolm Gladwell) In this book Gladwell actually proofs that our individual genius, is never because of our own ability. It is the people’s abilities around us that makes us great!
For the sake of family
“For the sake of family” is often heard. The needs of the family is more important that that of my own. In the African context this emphasis can also be abused, where it becomes impossible to rise above the cultural downforce of the community. In the west we have a too high emphasis on the individual, in the east the individual disappear in the whole. In the biblical context, God chose a man, and effects the group through that man. So it is not what man wills, or what the group wills, but what God wills. Both man and group ought to submit to the will, and way of God.

  • Our suffering is for the sake of the church, see Paul’s example. Colossians 1:24 I now rejoice in my sufferings for you, and fill up in my flesh what is lacking in the afflictions of Christ, for the sake of His body, which is the church.  When you receive public correction, receive it for the sake of the others present, so that all can learn and fear.  (1 Tim 5:20)
  • The operation of the gifts of the spirit is not for the benefit of self, but for the building up of the body.  (1 Cor 14:12).
  • We give up our own family for the sake of the Kingdom family. (Luk 18:29)
  • Jesus prays for his disciples, but also for the following generation that will come. (Joh 17:20-21)
  • Paul is torn between the desire to be with the Lord, yet for the sake of the church he remains. (Phil 1:23-24)

Often in the OT whole generations is removed by God, to cherish and protect the lineage of faith and obedience. This is also why God hates divorce. (Mal 2:15) God is seeking a godly offspring! There is no greater attack against the child’s future faith in God, than when their parents divorce. On the other hand, there will be much less divorces if we remain faithful for the sake of family!
Becoming part of God’s family.
We need to be part of a church, right! Yes! But being part of the right body is vital! In studying Kings and chronicles we soon discover the power of leadership, and how it influenced the prosperity of the people. This is how God has made us as humans, we follow naturally after leadership. Therefor the strict warning in James 3:1 My brethren, let not many of you become teachers, knowing that we shall receive a stricter judgment. The following verses in chapter 3 of James deal with the power of the tongue, how it steers the ship. I believe leaders determine the direction, and measure of maturity in a local church. You cannot belong to a local church and really grow beyond the level of the local leadership’s growth, without being very frustrated.
We all desire to be led. We need leaders. We hate them or love them, but we do not want their job. Life is hard, and getting by with all the daily chores is not always easy. Thus we do not want to make the big decisions, we do not want that responsibility. Some of us however, are made exactly for that purpose; we thrive on these difficult challenges. This is how God has made us. Some people like to lead and some follow. Moreover we should be able to balance leadership and submitting like breathing, for leaders who cannot submit suffocate their people, and people who never take initiative frustrate leaders. We all must learn a measure of leadership, and submitting in all areas of life.
On regards to big groups of people, we need godly leaders. This is the message of Kings & Chronicles, how did man fare with God not being their king, but man? When the Kings served and obeyed God’s commands and will the people prospered. When the King made himself God, and had the people obey him, they entered destruction.
Who do you chose to follow and why?
The people of Israel sought a righteous King, and followed Jerobeam. This generation of people of Israel ended 19 kings later being scattered all over the world. In 400 years none of these Kings served or obeyed God. Jerobeam created his own counterfeit religion, temples and priesthood. The people, who remained faithful to God’s word and promise to David, saw 8 Kings serving God, and the birth of the Messiah.
Some people followed Moses, but others were easily swayed to follow Aaron and Mirriam, who began to question Moses Leadership. Num 12:1-4 There was many occurrences of such rebellion under Moses Leadership.
Following a Reformer.
The Biblical criteria we should use to determine who we ought to follow are:

  1. Do they have a personal relationship with God?
  2. Do they have a prophetic mandate to lead?
  3. Do they seek to keep reforming according to the standard of God’s Word? Do they obey the Word?
  4. Does their personal life line up with the word?
  5. Do they keep to the original mandate?

Discipleship in family context
Whenever we conduct church outside of the parameters of family, we enter into trouble and eventually in error. Family is eternal. You cannot resign from a family. You cannot leave your house. You eternally belong. Even your earthy family has this power over you, you can change your name, but in DNA and genetics you’re still connected. This is how God intended family to be. We changed His order.
The fact that we go in and out, connect and leave is at the root of why some of our evangelism efforts are failing. Jesus did not only preach to the crowds, He made family, taking His disciples with Him. We preach and leave, not willing to lay down our lives for a community, to become fathers and older brothers that will lead them out of darkness into his marvelous light. (1 Pet 2:9) The true heart of the apostolic is thus to be fathers to the churches. (Gal 4:19; 1 Cor 4:15; ). The context of the true church is also set, within the context of family. How can you take care of His church, when your own family is ruins? (1 Tim 3:5) Church history is full of stories where leaders forsake their own families, and it lead to all kinds of error and misconduct.
God’s protection plan for ministry is family! Getting to busy for family, then you’re too busy for God. Whenever we neglect family and move without the unity of family we are in danger. Again God’s design for family is not just about being a family by name of bloodline, but to experience the same unity that exist in the Godhead. When a family serves God together, obey God, and live for His glory it makes things easy and natural. We do not have to find unnatural means to protect and care, grow or empower. It all happens naturally without even paying attention to it. He works is through all the various dynamics within family. Our only job should be to preserve the Unity!
At the end we all have to give up our own cultures, and traditions. We need to be reformed in our religion,
until He becomes the sum-total of all things. Until we mature into His image.
The negative of family
Like everything God gave as a provision the enemy distorts into a curse. So also a family without God becomes a stronghold, a satanic confederacy against the purposes of God. Families carry from one generation to the next the disobedience of the one generation to the next. Ungodly traditions of man are not questioned but obeyed blindly. This is why we need reform. We need to a systematic relentless determination to keep on allowing God to reform our thinking through the Spirit and the Word.
The Blessing of a spiritual family.
It is much easier to pray with someone than praying alone, do evangelism together than doing it alone, praising God together than singing by yourself. Corporate anointing makes serving God easier. It is our own ego and self centered nature that seeks to be separate, be different, unique, following my way, seeking my own new path. It is humbling to follow, to first take directions from men who aren’t perfect. Jesus did this for 90% of his entire life. Obeying earthly parents. How do you want to obey God, if you cannot obey your parents, your boss, the law? Surely we need to be alone at times; Jesus also made time for being alone with God, in order to be ready to engage with man in a godly manner.
The Three Chair principle – the power of experience
In conclusion we need to look into the generational regression effect. Like I have shown in the beginning of this chapter, not many fathers were able to translate their anointing and zeal for God to the next generation.
David served God with all his heart, and was called a friend of God. Yet although Solomon did serve God initially he eventually compromised and lost his way. His son Rehabeam did not serve God at all. We see the same progression with Josua. Me and my house will serve God. (Jos 14:15) The next generation of Elders also served God (Jos 24:31; Judg 1:7) consequently the next generation did evil in the sight of the Lord and did not even enquire from Him anymore. (Judg 1:10)
Bruce Wilkerson writes about this phenomenon in much detail in his book. “The three chairs Principle”
The question is: Where did David fail to kindle the same kind of zeal for God he possessed, to Solomon? There are surely many answers, like his lack of discipline, not spending enough time with his children etc.
I believe that the most important aspect that we should remember about the next generation, is what this whole blog is about. God’s family is supernaturally reproduced.
In God’s family there can be No Spectators!
Conditions to enter His Kingdom and Family
Luk 17:20 pharasees “the kingdom does not come with observation”
Acts 14:22 We must through many tribulations enter the Kingdom
Joh 3:3 Unless you born again you will not see the kingdom
Luk 18:29 Give up family for the sake of the kingdom of God
Luk 6:20 Blessed are the poor for yours is the Kingdom of God
Luk 18:24 Hard for the rich to enter
Mat 5:20 except your righteousness shall exceed the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees, ye shall in no case enter into the kingdom of heaven
Matthew 7:21 Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven but he who does the will of God.
No matter how you receive the Word (Voice) of God, whether through Bible study, some supernatural experience, visions, dreams, or encounters it all boils down into one thing – Doing it! Obedience to the will, voice, and instructions of God is the key to Kingdom living!
First hand encounters from the tree of Life, instead of eating from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. The NT way of the spirit to transfer knowledge is through impartation – not through words only but through power. (1 Cor 4:20) It is form this first-hand basis that the apostles conducted their ministry. (1 Joh 1:1) We have seen with our own eyes, hearing with our own ears.
There is no other way. Jesus is the door. You have to go through Him personally, by surrendering your life to Him. (Mat 16:24) No one can do it for you. Your parents can show you the way, by example and teaching but you have to go in and experience Him yourself.

Categories
Sermons

Discover God’s heart and blueprint for family

God intended family since the beginning.  God made Adam and saw that he was alone, and needed a helpmate. He made Eve. Then they had children, obeying the first command to multiply and fill the earth.  (Gen 1:28) This rule of multiplication is currently the primary method how Islam is intending to conquer the world. They do not integrate, learn the language, abandon their traditions and clothing. Yet they are now residing over the world, and expanding through population growth percentage of 3.1 children per family against the 2.1 rate of Europe and America. See the following article on this subject: http://brie-hoffman.hubpages.com/hub/Muslim-World-how-muslims-will-take-over-the-world-via-population-growth Although this may be true, originally God’s intention is to cover the earth with His Glory, through godly and righteous families.
The first family serves as an example of the struggles of family too.  When Adam’s children sacrificed to God, Abel’s sacrifice was approved but not Cain’s.  He murdered his brother out of jealousy, anger and offense.  (Gen 4:5-6) God’s answer to Cain is interesting: (v7) “If you do well, will you not be accepted? If you do not do well, sin crouches at your door, its desire is for you, but you must master it.”  Cain’s heart was exposed by God rejection of his sacrifice.  “Am I my brother’s keeper?” (Gen 4:9) God is not interested in our sacrifices, but our mercy, readiness to help those who are in trouble. (Mat 9:13 AMPLIFIED) Family is the primary breeding ground for offenses to happen, when we master it, we will be able to master life.

Multiplying was the easy part, how to multiply spiritually and have the children walk in the precepts of the parents seems to be the difficult part.

The way God’s family is constituted is through faith and obedience. God called Abraham from the Chaldeans living in Ur, to become His family. (Gen 12:1; Rom 4:5)  Abraham is the father of faith.  (Rom 3:30; 4:1-2; 4:16; Heb 6:15) His name Abraham – Means Father of many nations.  Essensially the story of the birth of a nation, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob is a family story.
A Spiritual Family – Birthed by Supernatural means
Sarah, Rachel, and Rebekka all was barren, and God had to miraculously open their womb to be able to bare children.  The Covenent blessing on Abraham since the beginning was towards a generational legacy of families. (Gen 12:1-3)  None of their firstborn by blood received the covenant blessing.  Abraham’s first born was Ismael.  But Isaac born of Sarah received the promise. (Gen 17:18-21) Isaac’s firstborn was Essau, yet Jacob deceives his father and received the blessing. (Gen 27:20-29) Jacob’s first born was Rueben and did not received a blessing: “You will not excel” (Gen 48:3-4) Reuben’s immorality with his father’s concubine Bilhah (the mother of his brothers Dan and Naphtali) is recorded in Genesis 35:22. Joseph received the blessing born as the oldest son with Jacob’s wife Rachel. Yet later Benjamin received the tribal blessing.    Joseph firstborn son was Manasseh yet Jacob crossed his hands and blessed Ephriam. (Gen 48:1-20)
The Jewish system of governance is called a Theocracy where God is the King.  It was not God’s original plan that Isreal should have an earthly king. (1 Sam 8:1-21) Even when Samuel warned them of the consequenses: 19 Nevertheless the people refused to obey the voice of Samuel; and they said, “No, but we will have a king over us, 20 that we also may be like all the nations, and that our king may judge us and go out before us and fight our battles.”  It was never God’s desire that His people be enslaved as subjects of a King.  God’s plan is family!
When God apointed the first King of Isreal He chose the King in the way man would chose. … a mighty man of power. 2 And he had a choice and handsome son whose name was Saul. There was not a more handsome person than he among the children of Israel. From his shoulders upward he was taller than any of the people. (1 Sam 9:1-2) When Dawid was the youngest son of Jesse, and yet he received the appointment as the next king of Israel, because of his faith and relationship with God. .  (1 Sam 16:13)
God wants us to be His children, people of faith, walking according to his statutes and will.  This is why some people who would never have been accepted into the Kingdom are included because of their faith, like Boaz and Ruth, and their son Obed.  Hagar the prostitute, who hid the Israelite Spies, and gave them a way of escape.  The Bible story and history, is a story of faith heroes.  (Heb 11)
God values family very highly.  Family is God’s way of maturing us into adulthood.  Physiologists and educators can list the negative effects of a broken family, absent parents, child abuse due to bad parental rolemodels and poor family structures.  We can suppose that most of the social problems we experience today is because of a broken family unit.  This is clearly evident studying the Kings.  But not many leaders in the Bible succeeded to raise their kids in the fear of God.  Eli the High Priest became vile because he did not restrain them (1 Sam 3:13) Samuel’s children also did not serve God. They turned aside after dishonest gain, took bribes, and perverted justice. Which speaks of a lack of godly character. (1 Sam 8:3)
Interesting that some of the rightous Kings in Judah, did not follow their own father’s legacy but chose to go back and follow in David’s footsteps. 2 And he did what was right in the sight of the Lord, and walked in all the ways of his father David; he did not turn aside to the right hand or to the left. (2 Kings 22:2) On there were Kings who did not consider the legacy they left for their Children, knowing that their own children would suffer the consequences of their father’s doings. So Hezekiah showed off all the riches of Judah to the son of King of Babylon and consequently received the damnation by the Prophet Isaiah that this very Kingdom will come and carry all this riches away.  He was only so happy that the judgment will not happen in his lifetime. 19 So Hezekiah said to Isaiah, “The word of the Lord which you have spoken is good!” For he said, “Will there not be peace and truth at least in my days?” (2 Kings 20:15)
This very same attitude pertains to most Africans in African culture.  They are more concerned with the dead, and their forefathers, than to try to make it easier for the immerging generation.  In African culture the children is responsible for the parent. Paying huge sums for Lobola as a wedding gift to the father.  In Western Culture the father pays the huge amount for the wedding.  Both are extremes.  God the father being our example how He raised Jesus into adulthood through dissipline and obedience to earthly parents, in a small close-knit community and when He was ready at the age of thirty release to him the powers of His Kingdom.  The end-goal of God’s view of family is maturity. The husband should, like Christ, present his wife blameless and perfect to God, thus meaning mature. (Eph 5:27) This is mostly done by example and following, obeying and submitting to Jesus.  Wives should instruct the younger, through wisdom, example, purity and reverence.  (1 Tim 5:2; Tit 2:3)
The eternal Church God’s design for family.
The Church: The Spirit-filled community of salvation History – The church is the receiver and fulfilment of the Kingdom and the message of salvation.  (Mat 16:18) Church is seen as a many membered active body of believers who each have an important role to play. (Rom 12:3-8; 2:19-22) Although leaders are important in the church, and should be respected (Heb 13:7-8, 17) the active ministry and participation of the church as a whole is imperative. The apostles do not see leaders above people, but among the people. Leading by example (Acts 18:3; 20:33–35) This is why the fivefold ministries are given, to equip the saints for their ministry.  (Ephesians 4:11) Church is seen as one body, filled with one spirit, with one father, one baptism and one faith. (Eph 4:4-6)
God’s mold for Family is church.  The word church (ecclesia) is made up of two root words: ek – out of and kaleo – called. Thus a direct translation of church would be His called out ones. But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a dedicated nation, [God’s] own purchased, special people, that you may set forth the wonderful deeds and display the virtues and perfections of Him Who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light. (1 Pet 2:9)
 
Discerning the body of Christ
Our problem is not that there is to many churches, nor that we differ so much, but we do not discern one another as brothers of one family. (Eph 4:1-6) The Father determines the children. No one comes to the father if He doesn’t draw them. (Joh 6:44)

Our job is not to choose our family, but except the ones He has adopted into our family.

When Jesus came to the Earth He needed a body; today He still needs a body. (Heb 10:5) Of which He is the head. (Eph 1:22-23) There are different kind of bodies – the body both of men or animals – a dead body or corpse the living body of animals – the bodies of planets and of stars (heavenly bodies) – is used of a (large or small) number of men closely united into one society, or family as it were; a social, ethical, mystical body so in the NT of the church – a gathering of citizens called out from their homes into some public place, an assembly – an assembly of the people convened at the public place of the council for the purpose of deliberating the assembly of the Israelites – any gathering or throng of men assembled by chance, tumultuously in a Christian sense – an assembly of Christians gathered for worship in a religious meeting the assembly of faithful Christians already dead and received into heaven – a company of Christian, or of those who, hoping for eternal salvation through Jesus Christ, observe their own religious rites, hold their own religious meetings, and manage their own affairs, according to regulations prescribed for the body for order’s sake – those who anywhere, in a city, village, constitute such a company and are united into one bod – the whole body of Christians scattered throughout the earth.
In summery then we can say that there are various expressions of the Body of Christ.  Small groups, house churches, large gatherings, ministries towards a specific need, whenever we actually get together in His name He manifest Himself amongst us.  (Mat 18:20) It is thus important that we do not neglect these meetings. (Heb 10:25)
Question: Can I be a Christian without joining the church?
Answer: Yes, it is possible. It is something like being:
A student who will not go to school.
A soldier who will not join an army.
A citizen who does not pay taxes or vote.
A salesman with no customers.
An explorer with no base camp.
A seaman on a ship without a crew.
A businessman on a deserted island.
An author without readers.
A tuba player without an orchestra.
A parent without a family.
A football player without a team.
A politician who is a hermit.
A scientist who does not share his findings.
A bee without a hive.
Everyone knows about the old codger who lives to be 100 and cavalierly attributes his longevity to booze, black cigars, beautiful women-and never going to church. According to Dr. George W. Comstock of Johns Hopkins School of Hygiene and Public Health, that kind of impious longevity may be the exception, not the rule. In studies of the relation of socioeconomic factors to disease in the population of Washington County, Md., Comstock and his colleagues made an incidental but fascinating discovery. Regular churchgoing, and the clean living that often goes with it, appear to help people avoid a whole bagful of dire ailments and disasters. Among them: heart disease, cirrhosis of the liver, tuberculosis, cancer of the cervix, chronic bronchitis, fatal one-car accidents and suicides.  The most significant finding was that people who go to church regularly have less arteriosclerotic heart disease. The annual death rate from such disease was about 500 for every 100,000 persons among weekly churchgoers, nearly 900 per 100,000 among “less than weekly” attendees. As for bronchitis, Comstock is at a loss to explain the relationship. (Maybe all that hymn singing helps clear the tubes. ) In any case, he has a name-or at least a nickname-for the whole phenomenon, which he humorously calls the “Leo Durocher” syndrome. “Nice guys,” concludes the good doctor, “do seem to finish last.”
Physician Steward Wolf in Roseta Pennsylvania has discovered this same phenomenon.  This little community is a copycat mirror-image of the original Hometown in Italy, the street names, building style, and business names are all the same, even the very unique Italian dialect.  The power of this unique community lies in their sense of family. Children grow up without fear of finding a job, for somewhere in the community someone will take you in.  Up to three generations lived in one home. They visited one another regularly, cooking for one-another. They had a strong base of the extended family arranged naturally in clans.  The have huge gatherings of eating and feasting together. They look out for another, and have a sense of responsibility and accountability to the greater whole. The end result? They have a very low rate of any heart decease.  It is not the food they eat, that effect this result, rather it is the way they operate as a family.  (From Outliers Pg 3-11, Malcolm Gladwell) In this book Gladwell actually proofs that our individual genius, is never because of our own ability. It is the people’s abilities around us that makes us great!
For the sake of family
“For the sake of family” is often heard.  The needs of the family is more important that that of my own.  In the African context this emphasis can also be abused, where it becomes impossible to rise above the cultural downforce of the community.  In the west we have a too high emphasis on the individual, in the east the individual disappear in the whole.  In the biblical context, God chose a man, and effects the group through that man.  So it is not what man wills, or what the group wills, but what God wills. Both man and group ought to submit to the will, and way of God.

  • Our suffering is for the sake of the church, see Paul’s example. Colossians 1:24 I now rejoice in my sufferings for you, and fill up in my flesh what is lacking in the afflictions of Christ, for the sake of His body, which is the church.  When you receive public correction, receive it for the sake of the others present, so that all can learn and fear.  (1 Tim 5:20)
  • The operation of the gifts of the spirit is not for the benefit of self, but for the building up of the body.  (1 Cor 14:12).
  • We give up our own family for the sake of the Kingdom family. (Luk 18:29)
  • Jesus prays for his disciples, but also for the following generation that will come. (Joh 17:20-21)
  • Paul is torn between the desire to be with the Lord, yet for the sake of the church he remains. (Phil 1:23-24)

Often in the OT whole generations is removed by God, to cherish and protect the lineage of faith and obedience.  This is also why God hates divorce. (Mal 2:15) God is seeking a godly offspring! There is no greater attack against the child’s future faith in God, than when their parents divorce.  On the other hand, there will be much less divorces if we remain faithful for the sake of family!
Becoming  part of God’s family.
We need to be part of a church, right! Yes! But being part of the right body is vital! In studying Kings and chronicles we soon discover the power of leadership, and how it influenced the prosperity of the people.  This is how God has made us as humans, we follow naturally after leadership. Therefor the strict warning in James 3:1 My brethren, let not many of you become teachers, knowing that we shall receive a stricter judgment. The following verses in chapter 3 of James deal with the power of the tongue, how it steers the ship. I believe leaders determine the direction, and measure of maturity in a local church.  You cannot belong to a local church and really grow beyond the level of the local leadership’s growth, without being very frustrated.
We all desire to be led. We need leaders. We hate them or love them, but we do not want their job.  Life is hard, and getting by with all the daily chores is not always easy. Thus we do not want to make the big decisions, we do not want that responsibility.  Some of us however, are made exactly for that purpose; we thrive on these difficult challenges. This is how God has made us.  Some people like to lead and some follow.  Moreover we should be able to balance leadership and submitting like breathing, for leaders who cannot submit suffocate their people, and people who never take initiative frustrate leaders.  We all must learn a measure of leadership, and submitting in all areas of life.
On regards to big groups of people, we need godly leaders. This is the message of Kings & Chronicles, how did man fare with God not being their king, but man?  When the Kings served and obeyed God’s commands and will the people prospered.  When the King made himself God, and had the people obey him, they entered destruction.
Who do you chose to follow and why? 
The people of Israel sought a righteous King, and followed Jerobeam.  This generation of people of Israel ended 19 kings later being scattered all over the world. In 400 years none of these Kings served or obeyed God. Jerobeam created his own counterfeit religion, temples and priesthood.  The people, who remained faithful to God’s word and promise to David, saw 8 Kings serving God, and the birth of the Messiah.
Some people followed Moses, but others were easily swayed to follow Aaron and Mirriam, who began to question Moses Leadership.  Num 12:1-4 There was many occurrences of such rebellion under Moses Leadership.
Following a Reformer.
The Biblical criteria we should use to determine who we ought to follow are:

  1. Do they have a personal relationship with God?
  2. Do they have a prophetic mandate to lead?
  3. Do they seek to keep reforming according to the standard of God’s Word? Do they obey the Word?
  4. Does their personal life line up with the word?
  5. Do they keep to the original mandate?

Discipleship in family context
Whenever we conduct church outside of the parameters of family, we enter into trouble and eventually in error.  Family is eternal.  You cannot resign from a family.  You cannot leave your house. You eternally belong. Even your earthy family has this power over you, you can change your name, but in DNA and genetics you’re still connected.  This is how God intended family to be.  We changed His order.
The fact that we go in and out, connect and leave is at the root of why some of our evangelism efforts are failing. Jesus did not only preach to the crowds, He made family, taking His disciples with Him. We preach and leave, not willing to lay down our lives for a community, to become fathers and older brothers that will lead them out of darkness into his marvelous light. (1 Pet 2:9) The true heart of the apostolic is thus to be fathers to the churches. (Gal 4:19; 1 Cor 4:15; ).  The context of the true church is also set, within the context of family. How can you take care of His church, when your own family is ruins? (1 Tim 3:5) Church history is full of stories where leaders forsake their own families, and it lead to all kinds of error and misconduct.
God’s protection plan for ministry is family! Getting to busy for family, then you’re too busy for God.  Whenever we neglect family and move without the unity of family we are in danger. Again God’s design for family is not just about being a family by name of bloodline, but to experience the same unity that exist in the Godhead.  When a family serves God together, obey God, and live for His glory it makes things easy and natural. We do not have to find unnatural means to protect and care, grow or empower. It all happens naturally without even paying attention to it.  He works is through all the various dynamics within family.  Our only job should be to preserve the Unity!

At the end we all have to give up our own cultures, and traditions. We need to be reformed in our religion,

until He becomes the sum-total of all things.  Until we mature into His image.

The negative of family
Like everything God gave as a provision the enemy distorts into a curse.  So also a family without God becomes a stronghold, a satanic confederacy against the purposes of God. Families carry from one generation to the next the disobedience of the one generation to the next.  Ungodly traditions of man are not questioned but obeyed blindly. This is why we need reform. We need to a systematic relentless determination to keep on allowing God to reform our thinking through the Spirit and the Word.
The Blessing of a spiritual family.
It is much easier to pray with someone than praying alone, do evangelism together than doing it alone, praising God together than singing by yourself. Corporate anointing makes serving God easier.  It is our own ego and self centered nature that seeks to be separate, be different, unique, following my way, seeking my own new path.  It is humbling to follow, to first take directions from men who aren’t perfect.  Jesus did this for 90% of his entire life. Obeying earthly parents.  How do you want to obey God, if you cannot obey your parents, your boss, the law? Surely we need to be alone at times; Jesus also made time for being alone with God, in order to be ready to engage with man in a godly manner.
The Three Chair principle – the power of experience
In conclusion we need to look into the generational regression effect.  Like I have shown in the beginning of this chapter, not many fathers were able to translate their anointing and zeal for God to the next generation.
David served God with all his heart, and was called a friend of God. Yet although Solomon did serve God initially he eventually compromised and lost his way. His son Rehabeam did not serve God at all.  We see the same progression with Josua. Me and my house will serve God. (Jos 14:15) The next generation of Elders also served God (Jos 24:31; Judg 1:7) consequently the next generation did evil in the sight of the Lord and did not even enquire from Him anymore.  (Judg 1:10)
Bruce Wilkerson writes about this phenomenon in much detail in his book. “The three chairs Principle”
The question is: Where did David fail to kindle the same kind of zeal for God he possessed, to Solomon? There are surely many answers, like his lack of discipline, not spending enough time with his children etc.
I believe that the most important aspect that we should remember about the next generation, is what this whole blog is about. God’s family is supernaturally reproduced.

In God’s family there can be No Spectators!

Conditions to enter His Kingdom and Family
Luk 17:20 pharasees “the kingdom does not come with observation”
Acts 14:22 We must through many tribulations enter the Kingdom
Joh 3:3 Unless you born again you will not see the kingdom
Luk 18:29 Give up family for the sake of the kingdom of God
Luk 6:20 Blessed are the poor for yours is the Kingdom of God
Luk 18:24 Hard for the rich to enter
Mat 5:20 except your righteousness shall exceed the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees, ye shall in no case enter into the kingdom of heaven
Matthew 7:21 Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven but he who does the will of God.
No matter how you receive the Word (Voice) of God, whether through Bible study, some supernatural experience, visions, dreams, or encounters it all boils down into one thing – Doing it! Obedience to the will, voice, and instructions of God is the key to Kingdom living!
First hand encounters from the tree of Life, instead of eating from the tree of knowledge of good and evil.  The NT way of the spirit to transfer knowledge is through impartation – not through words only but through power.  (1 Cor 4:20) It is form this first-hand basis that the apostles conducted their ministry. (1 Joh 1:1) We have seen with our own eyes, hearing with our own ears.
There is no other way. Jesus is the door. You have to go through Him personally, by surrendering your life to Him. (Mat 16:24) No one can do it for you. Your parents can show you the way, by example and teaching but you have to go in and experience Him yourself.

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Sermons

Why remain faithful in Marriage

Why remain faithful in Marriage

FOR GOD – The Bible declare God hates divorce. (Malachi 2:10-16) We made a vow before God and witnesses; “what God has brought together, let no man separates” Jesus made it very clear that Moses offered the people divorce letters, but before God there is no separation. (Matthew 19:4-8) As believers we have no right to divorce unless our partner has already committed adultery, and when your spouse who is an unbeliever seeks to be separated. (1Corinthians 7:27-28) We are joined to each other in covenant, and we cannot separate. As believers we belong to God, and we are His dwelling place, how can we allow the members of his body to be defiled? (1 Corinthians 6:16-19) God will judge adulterers and divorcees. (Hebrews 13:4) Joseph resisted the daily seduction of Potiphar’s wife because of his love for God. He asked her, “How … could I do this great evil and sin against God?” (Genesis 39:9). God wants us to develop a passion for Him that is greater than our passion to sin!
FOR TRUE LOVE – So many people say: “I do not love my spouse anymore, should I stay in a loveless marriage for the sake of marriage?” This reveals a great deception where these people value “love” more than they value obedience to God. Love is now their god. They believe that love will make them happy. Erotic romantic love makes you feel empowered, you feel invincible, you feel alive, your happiness is focussed on your lover, and you cannot get them out of your head. People even give their lovers’ god-like names, and become poetic of the wonderful, glorious, illuminated, transcending experience. The sad truth is, that all this is a chemical reaction in the brain that releases dopamine that wears off over time. Love is what brings a couple together, but we need more than mere romantic love to remain together. Do the 1 Corinthians 13 love test, and discover God’s kind of love.
FOR HONOR – Honour is the stuff heroes are made of. Honour is what makes our lives reach over time and generations. We remember people either for their honour or their failure. Honour your father and mother that you may have a long life. Honour is a form of godliness where we are touching divinity. When we do the honourable thing, doing what is right, we expose the quality of our heart and character. Choosing the path of honour is not easy, sacrificing our lives in the process. People who get divorced for any other reason than adultery, physical abuse and manipulation towards criminal behaviour has no honour. Marriage is honourable, it is holy. Hebrews 13:4. Honour God, honour family, and honour yourself!
FOR IT IS MY CALLING AND RESPONSIBILITY – When we consider and fulfil our various roles: husband as leader and wives as helpmate we bring honour to the relationship. When we allow emotions and circumstances to override our responsibility, position and role we open the door to various kinds of evil. We leave our partner uncovered, exposed to attack. Make your calling and identity sure. (1 Peter 1:10) You are not an adulterer, liar, thief, a betrayer and unfaithful person! But giving in to sin, distorts God’s destiny and calling over your life, and soon you will become exactly that. Respect yourself and God’s call upon your life enough to not sell your birth right for a morsel of bread. Cheating is not a mistake, it is a choice. Loyalty is a responsibility not a choice.
FOR LEGACY – We model right living to our children and thus build a legacy for our children to follow. We give up rights and privileges now, so in the future our children may have it easier. Marriage faithfulness is the foundation of building a legacy for our children. The family unit becomes the bases of family enterprise that provides for generations to come. Once we brake this up, we divide not only the family but also the family’s provision. So many children today have lost hope and faith in the sanctity and purpose of marriage because they have so few examples to follow. Children now have to make and discover their own way, because this generation selfishly only provided for themselves. Children do not learn through their ears, they learn through their experiences. What experience are you creating for your children? Your decision will affect them for the rest of their lives.
FOR KEEPING YOUR WORD – One of my best friends were married for 22 years when his wife contracted colon cancer. She became very sick, and they did not enjoy the pleasures of marriage anymore. He had to take care of her, she was in much pain and as a result became difficult and unreasonable at times. After she passed away, I asked him one day; “why did you remain faithful?” His quick and prompt reply moved me; “I gave my word!” That’s it! We do not always have much to give as humans, but our word! Many people’s words has become meaningless without substance, because you cannot take them on their word. You made a vow before God and witness, you should therefor get all those people together, and try to convince them why you are now seeking a divorce.
FOR SAFETY AND SECURITY – Marriage provides financial security if we work hard and are faithful with what we have received. Together husband and wives build together to establish a home, and provide for their children, saving also for their old age, and in some cases they have to help provide for their respective parents too. Divorce destroys this nest egg. Wives who have not been working full-time, are thrown back in the corporate world often at old age to start at the bottom again. They have lost the security and safety of marriage. The children are often also the victims of financial difficulty, because of the losses and costs of divorce. Thus also losing the safety and security home should have provided. It is unbelievable to see what people are willing to pay for giving up their marriages, if they have spent the same money and effort on working at their problems the marriage could have been saved.
FOR PERSONAL GROWTH – Walking out of a relationship most people have little understanding on what contributed to the breakup. We can usually tell in elaborate detail what our partners have done wrong, but we do not see our own error. We then enter the new relationship, with the same baggage and unchanged. Conflict in a relationship is sometimes necessary to expose the areas in our lives where we are not Christ like. People get divorced mostly because they have been hurt by a partner’s un Christ like behaviour. When we live to grow in Christ’s humility, meekness, gentleness, the fruit of the spirit, godly character, faithfulness, loyalty and love no one in the world would want to leave and separate. There can thus be no justification for divorce, but our own fickle hearts and unrestrained passions.
FOR NOT BECOMING A ‘THIEF’ – When getting involved emotionally with a married person, you are setting up a scene of fraud and theft. You taking something that belongs to someone else. Have you ever felt the powerless feeling when walking into your house that has been robbed? You are that person stealing! You are also the thief that is about to steal the trust and respect of the partner that have committed their life to you. The pain of betrayal is like mourning the death of a loved one, but they are still alive and hurting you continually. One lady whose husband was unfaithful wrote in a letter to him: “you have robbed me for keeps, you make your partner an adulterer. How will it feel if your partner would leave you for someone else? The one person I allowed in, with whom I had no defence or secrets betrayed me!
FOR OLD AGE PARTNERSHIP – Most breakups in relationships happens around the first 7 years and then once the children have left home. This is when couples have to recommit themselves and renew their vows, because they’re not the same people they once were. Yet the period we need a partner the most is in old age! As we grow older we become fragile and more and more dependent on each-other. Many times the one partner becomes more dependent. Difficult adults become very difficult old people. This is why we had to grow, adapt and change as individuals in character and person, to become the best we can be at the end. It is in old age where we appreciate it the most, the lives we have lived. This was the intend at the beginning was it not? Growing old together!
FOR FRIENDSHIP – In divorce you lose not only a partner but you lose your friends too. When a couple gets divorced it brings an end to most of the friendships they have once shared. Friends have to decide with which partner they are going to side. Those who keeps their distance to not get involved, remain uninvolved altogether. As friends we were supposed to get old together. Divorce has such a huge ripple-effect on the extended family and friendship circle we belong to. This is why a healthy family is the bedrock of society’s moral fibre and strength.
FOR ENDURANCE – Being single is terrifying. The dating scene is so clouded, where hidden motives thrives, and pretence, broken hearts seeking solitude. The uncertainty of finding love again, as specially getting older is a huge challenge. Sexually it is about making that special connection, finding the one! We all seek intimacy, to know and to be known… But this really becomes quite a challenge if we have no way to know, to be certain to find that special person. Enduring with the one you do know is certainly much easier.
FOR THE RIGHT FOUNDATION – A relationship build on adultery and someone else’s heartbreak is doomed for failure. There will always be trust issues and respect issues. The divorce rate after the second marriage is considerably higher. Once you have been unfaithful, it is easy to do it again.
FOR LOYALTY – We all treasure loyalty and fear the abandonment of the one we love. Yet some are willing to do exactly that and betray their partner, helpmate our spouse. Beware of turning your heart and seek to be nourished elsewhere. All relationships go through difficulty, the routine of daily living, the boring shores of responsibility and duty. One may feel entitled to justify your unfaithfulness because of core needs not met within marriage. The bible instructs us to drink from your own fountain, the wife of your youth. (Proverbs 5:18) All sexual needs should be met within marriage. (1 Corinthians 7:1-5) Learn to be content whether you get what you want or not. Marriage is about give and take. If only one member in the relationship do all the sacrifices it will lead to disillusionment and discouragement. Kindle and rekindle the fire within the relationship and stay in the boat.
FOR IT IS WORTH IT – I would love to ask every person who ever walked out and committed adultery, whether it was worth it in the end? Years later after all the damage caused has settled down, and the new relationship now also becomes routine, was it worth it?
Fight for you marriage, it is worth it!

Categories
Hartklop

Why remain faithful in Marriage

FOR GOD – The Bible declare God hates divorce. (Malachi 2:10-16) We made a vow before God and witnesses; “what God has brought together, let no man separates” Jesus made it very clear that Moses offered the people divorce letters, but before God there is no separation. (Matthew 19:4-8)  As believers we have no right to divorce unless our partner has already committed adultery, and when your spouse who is an unbeliever seeks to be separated. (1Corinthians 7:27-28) We are joined to each other in covenant, and we cannot separate. As believers we belong to God, and we are His dwelling place, how can we allow the members of his body to be defiled? (1 Corinthians 6:16-19) God will judge adulterers and divorcees.  (Hebrews 13:4) Joseph resisted the daily seduction of Potiphar’s wife because of his love for God. He asked her, “How … could I do this great evil and sin against God?” (Genesis 39:9). God wants us to develop a passion for Him that is greater than our passion to sin!
FOR TRUE LOVE – So many people say: “I do not love my spouse anymore, should I stay in a loveless marriage for the sake of marriage?” This reveals a great deception where these people value “love” more than they value obedience to God. Love is now their god. They believe that love will make them happy.  Erotic romantic love makes you feel empowered, you feel invincible, you feel alive, your happiness is focussed on your lover, and you cannot get them out of your head. People even give their lovers’ god-like names, and become poetic of the wonderful, glorious, illuminated, transcending experience. The sad truth is, that all this is a chemical reaction in the brain that releases dopamine that wears off over time.  Love is what brings a couple together, but we need more than mere romantic love to remain together. Do the 1 Corinthians 13 love test, and discover God’s kind of love.
FOR HONOR – Honour is the stuff heroes are made of.  Honour is what makes our lives reach over time and generations. We remember people either for their honour or their failure.  Honour your father and mother that you may have a long life.  Honour is a form of godliness where we are touching divinity.  When we do the honourable thing, doing what is right, we expose the quality of our heart and character. Choosing the path of honour is not easy, sacrificing our lives in the process.  People who get divorced for any other reason than adultery, physical abuse and manipulation towards criminal behaviour has no honour.  Marriage is honourable, it is holy.  Hebrews 13:4. Honour God, honour family, and honour yourself!
FOR IT IS MY CALLING AND RESPONSIBILITY – When we consider and fulfil our various roles: husband as leader and wives as helpmate we bring honour to the relationship.  When we allow emotions and circumstances to override our responsibility, position and role we open the door to various kinds of evil. We leave our partner uncovered, exposed to attack. Make your calling and identity sure.  (1 Peter 1:10) You are not an adulterer, liar, thief, a betrayer and unfaithful person! But giving in to sin, distorts God’s destiny and calling over your life, and soon you will become exactly that. Respect yourself and God’s call upon your life enough to not sell your birth right for a morsel of bread.  Cheating is not a mistake, it is a choice.  Loyalty is a responsibility not a choice.
FOR LEGACY – We model right living to our children and thus build a legacy for our children to follow.  We give up rights and privileges now, so in the future our children may have it easier. Marriage faithfulness is the foundation of building a legacy for our children. The family unit becomes the bases of family enterprise that provides for generations to come. Once we brake this up, we divide not only the family but also the family’s provision.  So many children today have lost hope and faith in the sanctity and purpose of marriage because they have so few examples to follow.  Children now have to make and discover their own way, because this generation selfishly only provided for themselves.  Children do not learn through their ears, they learn through their experiences.  What experience are you creating for your children?  Your decision will affect them for the rest of their lives.
FOR KEEPING YOUR WORD – One of my best friends were married for 22 years when his wife contracted colon cancer.  She became very sick, and they did not enjoy the pleasures of marriage anymore. He had to take care of her, she was in much pain and as a result became difficult and unreasonable at times.  After she passed away, I asked him one day; “why did you remain faithful?” His quick and prompt reply moved me; “I gave my word!” That’s it! We do not always have much to give as humans, but our word! Many people’s words has become meaningless without substance, because you cannot take them on their word.  You made a vow before God and witness, you should therefor get all those people together, and try to convince them why you are now seeking a divorce.
FOR SAFETY AND SECURITY – Marriage provides financial security if we work hard and are faithful with what we have received. Together husband and wives build together to establish a home, and provide for their children, saving also for their old age, and in some cases they have to help provide for their respective parents too. Divorce destroys this nest egg.  Wives who have not been working full-time, are thrown back in the corporate world often at old age to start at the bottom again. They have lost the security and safety of marriage.  The children are often also the victims of financial difficulty, because of the losses and costs of divorce.  Thus also losing the safety and security home should have provided.  It is unbelievable to see what people are willing to pay for giving up their marriages, if they have spent the same money and effort on working at their problems the marriage could have been saved.
FOR PERSONAL GROWTH – Walking out of a relationship most people have little understanding on what contributed to the breakup. We can usually tell in elaborate detail what our partners have done wrong, but we do not see our own error.  We then enter the new relationship, with the same baggage and unchanged. Conflict in a relationship is sometimes necessary to expose the areas in our lives where we are not Christ like. People get divorced mostly because they have been hurt by a partner’s un Christ like behaviour.  When we live to grow in Christ’s humility, meekness, gentleness, the fruit of the spirit, godly character, faithfulness, loyalty and love no one in the world would want to leave and separate.  There can thus be no justification for divorce, but our own fickle hearts and unrestrained passions.
FOR NOT BECOMING A ‘THIEF’ – When getting involved emotionally with a married person, you are setting up a scene of fraud and theft. You taking something that belongs to someone else.  Have you ever felt the powerless feeling when walking into your house that has been robbed? You are that person stealing! You are also the thief that is about to steal the trust and respect of the partner that have committed their life to you.  The pain of betrayal is like mourning the death of a loved one, but they are still alive and hurting you continually. One lady whose husband was unfaithful wrote in a letter to him: “you have robbed me for keeps, you make your partner an adulterer.  How will it feel if your partner would leave you for someone else?  The one person I allowed in, with whom I had no defence or secrets betrayed me!
FOR OLD AGE PARTNERSHIP – Most breakups in relationships happens around the first 7 years and then once the children have left home. This is when couples have to recommit themselves and renew their vows, because they’re not the same people they once were.  Yet the period we need a partner the most is in old age! As we grow older we become fragile and more and more dependent on each-other. Many times the one partner becomes more dependent.  Difficult adults become very difficult old people.  This is why we had to grow, adapt and change as individuals in character and person, to become the best we can be at the end. It is in old age where we appreciate it the most, the lives we have lived.  This was the intend at the beginning was it not? Growing old together!
FOR FRIENDSHIP – In divorce you lose not only a partner but you lose your friends too. When a couple gets divorced it brings an end to most of the friendships they have once shared.  Friends have to decide with which partner they are going to side. Those who keeps their distance to not get involved, remain uninvolved altogether. As friends we were supposed to get old together.  Divorce has such a huge ripple-effect on the extended family and friendship circle we belong to.  This is why a healthy family is the bedrock of society’s moral fibre and strength.
FOR ENDURANCE – Being single is terrifying.  The dating scene is so clouded, where hidden motives thrives, and pretence, broken hearts seeking solitude.  The uncertainty of finding love again, as specially getting older is a huge challenge.  Sexually it is about making that special connection, finding the one! We all seek intimacy, to know and to be known… But this really becomes quite a challenge if we have no way to know, to be certain to find that special person.  Enduring with the one you do know is certainly much easier.
FOR THE RIGHT FOUNDATION – A relationship build on adultery and someone else’s heartbreak is doomed for failure.  There will always be trust issues and respect issues. The divorce rate after the second marriage is considerably higher. Once you have been unfaithful, it is easy to do it again.
FOR LOYALTY – We all treasure loyalty and fear the abandonment of the one we love. Yet some are willing to do exactly that and betray their partner, helpmate our spouse.  Beware of turning your heart and seek to be nourished elsewhere.  All relationships go through difficulty, the routine of daily living, the boring shores of responsibility and duty.  One may feel entitled to justify your unfaithfulness because of core needs not met within marriage.  The bible instructs us to drink from your own fountain, the wife of your youth. (Proverbs 5:18) All sexual needs should be met within marriage. (1 Corinthians 7:1-5) Learn to be content whether you get what you want or not.  Marriage is about give and take. If only one member in the relationship do all the sacrifices it will lead to disillusionment and discouragement. Kindle and rekindle the fire within the relationship and stay in the boat.
FOR IT IS WORTH IT – I would love to ask every person who ever walked out and committed adultery, whether it was worth it in the end? Years later after all the damage caused has settled down, and the new relationship now also becomes routine, was it worth it?
Fight for you marriage, it is worth it!

Categories
Sermons

The Power of Two

The Power of Two

The Power of two.
What is the Power that makes some partnership flourish, creating a collective genius far surpassing the genius of one?
That question lies at the heart of Joshua Wolf Shenk’s new book out this week, Powers of Two: Finding the Essence of Innovation in Creative Pairs, in which, drawing on academic research, historical evidence, and original reportage, he explores what makes creative partnerships tick, from a foundation of trust to a spark that ignites when two people are “as alike as identical twins and as unalike as complete strangers.”
All of us have experienced creative connection, and glimpsed its power. Yet, for centuries, the myth of the lone genius has obscured the critical story of the power of collaboration. In Powers of Two, Joshua Wolf Shenk argues that creative pairs are the exemplars for innovation. Drawing on years of research on great partnerships in history – from Lennon and McCartney to Marie and Pierre Curie, plus hundreds more in fields including literature, popular culture, art and business – Shenk identifies the common journey pairs take from the spark of initial connection, through the passage to a cognitive ‘joint identity” to competition and the struggle for power. Using scientific and psychological insights, he uncovers new truths about epic duos – and sheds new light on the genesis of some of the greatest creative work in history. He reveals hidden partnerships among people known only for their individual work (like C. S. Lewis and J. R. R. Tolkien), and even ‘adversarial collaborations’ among those who are out to beat each other. This revelatory and lyrical book will make us see creative exchange as the central terrain of our psyches.
More example in our time is:
Bill Gates & Paul Allen (colleagues; business partners) Founders of Microsoft Corporation
Founders Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak created Apple Computer on April 1, 1976,
Frodo Baggins & Sam Gamgee (fictional; companions in the Lord of the Ring trilogy)
Biblical Examples are:
Gen 2:25 Adam and eve
Jos 2:1 The Two Spies
Zech 4:14 Two anointed ones (King & Priest Partnership)
2 Sam 20:34; & Sam 1:25-26 David & Jonathan
Jesus send the disciples two by two (Luk 10:1)
According the wisdom of the Preacher “two ae better than one” Eccl 4:9-12
What are the hindrances to a healthy partnership.
1) Lack of honour – Jesus exist to glorify the Father, our accurate deeds in frequency with the Father’s will glorify Him. We honour God with our lives when we accurately represent Him. Our lives, testimony, fruit, accomplishments, and success, is because we listened and obeyed His instruction, utilizing His wisdom, applying his power… The fruit glorifies the source. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven. (Matthew 5:16) We show honor in the way we involve and value our partner. Not informing one another of important decisions, and not including the other is a show of disrespect.
2) Desire to control, and Ego. Wanting to remain in control and have the last say, stifles the creativity in a relationship. A team works well together when both get’s the opportunity to lead. Working together is like dancing, mutual submission, and willingness to be led.
3) Losing Unity as always being the first point on the Agenda. Our point of departure is always unity first. No matter the grudge, the mistake or the problem it remains OUR problem, we face it together. We solve things together. We think team all the time.
4) Poor confrontation skills and results. Confrontation is healthy, if done the correct way. We all need to improve our correction skills, being mature enough to agree to disagree. Dealing with all our defense meganisme and bad habits in terms of reaction to correction paves the way to a strong relationship. We can grow, through our differences.
5) Not defining and understanding different roles. Healthy partners know their individual roles and gifts they add to the friendship. Both know their weakness and strengths and how to use the strengths to each other’s benefit. Defining the different roles and job description helps to establish synergy.
6) Having two visions, or goals. – division. Two visions will eventually break and destroy the partnership. It is the common agreement that holds the partnership together. We do not create unity we preserve it! Keep to the original vision, and both must be in agreement when the goalposts change.
7) Lack of Execution – physical work done, completed for the other. Not keeping your word, on what is agreed, will end the partnership. Both need to be responsible and show integrity to complete tasks, and fulfill obligations. This is the most basic foundation of any partnership. Not getting things done, and not fulfilling your end of the bargain destroys trust.